Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek
benpeek

The Ditmars

Hello, hello, gather around. Yes, gather, gather: it's that time of the year again.

Time, I say!

Time, to create your own controversy!

That's right ladies and gentlemen and those who wish to be known as neither, listen to me as I talk very quickly to you. The time is upon us, we cannot pause. The Ditmar Nominations are open and you and your friends must be prepared!

Now listen, listen closely:

With the Ditmar Nominations open, you and your friends can create a force for good or a force for evil, without the unnecessary and large tax burdens that befall large multinational and evil corporations. Did I say evil? Did I suggest you could be could good? Well, lies, lies and slander. You will be evil! Get used to it! If you win a lot, you will be called A Destructive Influence on Literature, aka Mr or Mrs Grand Evil.

My advice: Get a t-shirt printed with the word Evil on it. That way there will be no confusion at the award ceremony.

Now, you may think that I am not taking this serious, and I say, I say, what kind of words are those? I am advising on how to be a prospective winner of greatness. A t-shirt with the word evil is how you deal with those who slander you. That's how you deal with this kind of business. In fact, get a shirt made not just for you, but for your friends.

Fear not!

The cost will be low.

You will be able to afford banners, even. Being Evil in the Ditmars is not an expensive endevour. While many may suggest that it involves block voting, secret backroom handshakes, and the promises of virginal boys and girls to be served to you in a room of such decadence that the word velvet does not begin to describe it all... well, such suggestions are fanciful. With your friends, with homeless men and women, with teenagers who need booze money, you can organise a ballot in your favour. Evil is cheap! Evil is easy! Don't let people tell you it is hard work, for it is not, it is not, I assure you.

Evil is easy, that is its attraction.

But do not mistake ease for no effort. If you wait until after the ballots, after the awards are actually given and then complain, that is not evil. That is sloth. That is what the good lord has warned us against and you must be vigilant!

Go now!

Go organise yourself!

Form secret groups with secret handshakes! Make private email lists! Whisper into the ears of those you do not respect! Prey on the weak! Promise t-shirts and drinks in a bar in a hotel you don't frequent!

Prepare yourself for evil.

For the Ditmar Awards!

For Controversy!

FOR A T-SHIRT!

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