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How Long Does Julian Assange Have to Live?

Unsurprisingly, the media is painting unflattering portrayals of Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks. I particularly like this opening portrayal of him as a paranoid, sucking life from the impressionable youth, and leaving a path of destruction in his wake, courtesy of the New York Times:

Julian Assange moves like a hunted man. In a noisy Ethiopian restaurant in London’s rundown Paddington district, he pitches his voice barely above a whisper to foil the Western intelligence agencies he fears.

He demands that his dwindling number of loyalists use expensive encrypted cellphones and swaps his own as other men change shirts. He checks into hotels under false names, dyes his hair, sleeps on sofas and floors, and uses cash instead of credit cards, often borrowed from friends.

“By being determined to be on this path, and not to compromise, I’ve wound up in an extraordinary situation,” Mr. Assange said over lunch last Sunday, when he arrived sporting a woolen beanie and a wispy stubble and trailing a youthful entourage that included a filmmaker assigned to document any unpleasant surprises.


In completely bad taste, lets start a death pole. How long does Julian Assange have to live. Optional points if you provide a method of assassination the accident that kills him.

Poll #1636799 How Long Does Julian Assange Have to Live?

Choices, Choices

Until the end of the Year
Within Five Years
A Decade, No More, No Less
They Will Discredit Him First
He Will Discredit Himself First


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Oct. 27th, 2010 02:47 am (UTC)
He will simply vanish without trace. All evidence of him shall be expunged from the interwebs. Except for the unconfirmed sightings that will continue, in true Elvis fashion, for decades.
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:34 am (UTC)
my plan is to start passing rjurik off as him, since i think the two sound alike and have similar mannerisms.
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:36 am (UTC)
what a sterling idea! (to quote a popular cigarette commercial from the 80s)
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:37 am (UTC)
what works best is, if needed, we can sell out rju for some quick cash.
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:38 am (UTC)
Rju's permanently harried demeanour will probably work in our favour
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:39 am (UTC)
and his denial will only heighten our credibility
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:40 am (UTC)
and his frequent absences
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:42 am (UTC)
i like to think it's pretty watertight, this plan.
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:43 am (UTC)
so who's gonna text the CIA?
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:45 am (UTC)
there's no need. i'm sure they're monitoring us right now and will be alerted to our subtle implication of where the real julian assange is located.
Oct. 27th, 2010 03:46 am (UTC)
D'oh! of course.
Oct. 27th, 2010 10:51 am (UTC)
There was a 1.4GB AES-256 encrypted file called "Insurance" posted on the WikiLeaks Afghan War Diary site in July.

Rumour has it that this file (which has presumably been downloaded by a large and ultimately uncontainable number of Internet users) contains information damaging to potential enemies of WikiLeaks and the incarceration or assassination of Assange would result in the passphrase being published.

Alternatively it could just be a bluff to get the NSA to waste an awfully large number of supercomputer hours to try to crack it.

Oct. 28th, 2010 09:21 am (UTC)
ha! i hadn't heard that. thanks, man.
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