(647):
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
(780):
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
(501):
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
(404):
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404):
Two?
(404):
Two.
(215):
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
(602):
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And, perhaps the best ever:
(323):
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
(1-323):
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
(323):
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Texts From Last Night.
