Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek
benpeek

Texts from Last Night

(647):

So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.

(780):

I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.

(501):

All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.

(404):

Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404):

Two?
(404):

Two.

(215):

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

(602):

Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.


And, perhaps the best ever:

(323):

Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
(1-323):

We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
(323):

Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.


Texts From Last Night.
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