(647):
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
(780):
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
(501):
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
(404):
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404):
Two?
(404):
Two.
(215):
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
(602):
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And, perhaps the best ever:
(323):
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
(1-323):
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
(323):
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Texts From Last Night.
Comments
I'm eating lunch!
Great site tho.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now that's more like it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
come on lines i've never used: one.
I get these very random late night sms from a friend down South, and it's just occurred to me he may be trying to get his texts posted on this site. They are that strange.
Recent example:
'The date was going really well up until the point he spilled amyl all over his shirt and bedsheets.'
here's the best one yet:
(918):
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters