Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

Down and Out and at the Post Office

Today, I went up to the post office and submitted things through the mail.

Such an act, I'm sure, doesn't immediately strike as the most interesting of events, but it took me back, to when I was starting out as a writer. Stamp booklets, envelopes, the realisation that I was paying postage just to hear negativity. Still, there wasn't much of a different way, back then, and I did what you had to do at the time.

The act of posting, however, reminded me of the early days when I had a need, and I'm much the same now. I haven't really talked much about writing on this blog, mostly because whenever I think of writing about it, what pops into my head is a mostly complaints. I feel, I realise, like I am sitting mostly back where I was ten years ago: down and out. It's not true, of course, since I have better prospects, and things coming out, but there's been some hard ground to cover of late. As I was walking back home from the post office, I got thinking about that. I reckon, in the time I've been doing this gig (around fifteen years now) I've pretty much done everything wrong a writer can do, and some right. I've taken bad advice, ignored good advice, let things get out of my control, and missed opportunities while I took the wrong ones. Some people might think that some of the personal clashes I've had might come into that, too, but mostly, it doesn't. I reacted to people the way I always reacted to people, and sometimes it made me friends, and other times it didn't, and at the end of the day you just roll with that. But the business side of it... well, once I thought I had a good grasp on what it was you had to do, but now my understanding is different, a little more tempered, and I approach things different.

It can be really quite frustrating at times. I won't lie about that. I'm tired of the word non-commercial, and all that it entails, just as I'm tired of the silence that you have to read responses into. I had what I thought was going to be a really sweet deal at the end of last year, one that would make up for the quiet of 2009, but since it has now been four months now and my polite inquiries go unanswered, I've come to the conclusion that I'm back out in the cold again, knocking on doors with the novels I have.

It's a humbling experience, really, and not all that inspiring. But, I'm not the first or the last to have to push through it, so, hey, what you going to do, y'know?

The answer is obviously to try not to blog about it too much.


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