Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

IF This Was You, You Were Uncool (Day Four)

If This Was You, You Were Uncool.

Day Four

Dude, I saw the least coolest thing today.

Can I guess?

No, I'm not joking, man.

I was in, like, the supermarket, doing my groceries. It's all busy and filled with people and its giving me the shits because all through this, all I can hear is Christmas carols. It's a low, repetitive tune in the background, almost like someone is whispering, kill everyone, kill--

Is this about Christmas carols?


Cause you bitch about Christmas carols all the time.

Dude, it's not about Christmas carols.

It better not be or I'll drown your puppy.

I don't have a dog.

Guess what you're getting for Christmas if this story sucks?

Shut the fuck up and listen.


So, I'm pushing my trolley along, dodging through people, avoiding boxes and those metal stands that staff use to get to the top shelf, when I stop this woman, pushing a pram along. She's got to be late fifties, maybe a bit earlier, but clearly the grandmother of the kid in the pram. She's Muslim, too, and has the whole Hijab on. First glance I didn't even notice it because, what the fuck do I care, you know? Wear it, don't wear it, it's got nothing to do with me.

But this dude stops.

Like, the guys maybe mid to late thirties, wearing sunnies, as white as you and me, and stops and he says, 'Excuse me, do you mind if I ask a question?'

In the middle of the store?

Yeah, stops this woman and her pram and says, before she can reply, 'I see your baby has blonde hair.'


Yeah, see that look you giving me?

What the fuck she say?

The lady is just standing, like, whatthefuck?

What you do?

I'm stopped.

I'm watching this cause it is so uncool and I want to say to him, 'Dude, what the fuck,' but instead I'm listening to him, and he is saying, 'Do you have blond hair under your hood?'


'You shouldn't hide your hair. You should let it out. I bet you'd have beautiful hair.'


I figure its time to say something, so I take a step forward, and the guy turns and sees me, and then he looks back at the woman, and he says, 'I'm sorry I'm bothering you,' and then leaves.

Shit, man, that's uncool.

It was fucked up, man.

How was the lady?

I asked her if she was alright, y'know? She looked kinda worried, to be honest, but she said she was fine, and I didn't want to bother her any like that guy, so I left her. I figure the moment has passed, the dude won't be back, but seriously, what kind of fucking invasive shit is that?

It's pretty fucked, man, I got to agree.

Fuck yeah.

(The 12 Days of Christmas. Day four. This really happened.)

Tags: 12days

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