We really need to buy air conditioning.
I don't care if he charged us more.
You know what would be better, though?
An ice age.
Like, y'know, everything frozen over.
Everything just white and blue and so cold the sky is like ice.
And we could ride tigers.
Cars wouldn't work in that cold. We would need something else.
We could tame tigers. They'd be all orange and black across the white. We'd have saddles and reins on them and they'd carry us across the snow, take us anywhere we would want.
I never had tiger meat--
We're not eating the tigers.
The tigers are what will keep us alive. We might have to kill one or two for fur, because it'll be so beautifully cold, but after that--no, we couldn't eat them.
They're our companions.
One whale would feed us for months. We would hunt it in the sea, carried in boats that we built. We would keep harpoons and we would sail into the rough water, the cold spray against out faces--and we would spear whales out there, and drag one up onto land, where it would die, and we could cut away its meat for us and the tigers.
With the Japanese all dead, they'll be safe.
I am the last Japanese.
On a tiger.
Okay, maybe igloos.
I dunno--I dunno about this.
I was happy just riding tigers and hunting whales and living in our paradise. Evil midget Santa doesn't--
Wait, did you just say midgets?
Each of them born out of the corpse of the original Santa--that Saint Nicholas dude from Turkey, who went around giving presents, except that they weren't really presents, and he'd give dowries so that poor girls could get good husbands--
I wish I had a good dowry.
That doesn't mean I don't need a good husband.
So, the original Santa is dead--but dead in the ice, so he has been kept pure for thousands of years, but something has happened. The purity of his dream of having girls get good husbands has been tainted over the years, first becoming kindness for everyone, and then secondly because this mass consumerist driven event that Christmas has become has forced, from his body, evil midgets to spawn every Christmas for hundreds of years until they formed an army that wanted to bring a world destroying heat to the world.
(The 12 Days of Christmas is in it's 4th Day. Finally, a Christmas theme emerges.)