Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

Tiger Woods (Day 12)

Tiger Woods

(Day 12)

Hey, check out this: Family services went to Tiger Woods' place.

You reading that shit?

Of course!

You check the browsers of everyone in this job, I bet you find that they're all got news feeds up. Hundreds of little monitors blinking with the story of Tiger Woods.

I need to get a new job.

What, you telling me you never looked?

Do you read Woman's Weekly?


That gossip mag?

I know it. I don't read it--but, I mean, what's that got to do with Tiger Woods?

It's fucking gossip.

It's not! The dude had a million affairs!

It's fucking gossip, man. It belongs in a shitty little magazine where they poll you on what you think of the celebrity clothing. It does not belong on my news channel, jammed down my throat, and used to keep real fucking stories from getting the light of day.

Oh man, you're ranting.

Fuck you.

I'm going go get a coffee. When I come back, can you have this as a power point presentation?

Fuck you.

If you could have some of those mint slices from the other day there, that'd be sweet.

You seriously don't see this as an issue?


In fact, I think it's awesome: a celebrity is crashing and burning in public. Could there be anything better? Tiger Woods is the same age as me and has never had to work a job like mine, or try to save for a mortgage, or --well, anything I've had to go through. Instead, he has billions of dollars, a world who thinks that he is brilliant, and his every whim catered for, which included women in every port. But now he's been found out, and he's crashing. He's losing sponsors, losing friends, and even quitting golf!

It's a sport. In fact, it is my favourite sport--which is good, cause I don't like golf.

See, that's just it--no one likes golf.

That's bullshit.

You know anyone who likes golf?

My grandfather plays it?

Trying to find people who like golf is like trying priests who don't molest children.


Hey, that's uncool.


At your church did they talk about how the Pope is currently condemning Irish priests who molested children, but that when he was a lovely cardinal, he was involved in cover ups for years?

No, they don't.

And why you got to bring that up?

Cause that's real fucking news. That's something to rip into.

No, that's just distressing. You push into that the more you realise that an organisation that is suppose to be in charge of protecting people and ensuring the spiritual well being of the people who follow it were, in fact, actively ignoring the men and women and children that trusted them and abusing their power--and that just pushes the idea that there is no God, because if there was, then these people would be fucking afraid of His wrath before they did shit like that.

Is that waning faith I see?

No, that's just someone who is trying to have faith.

Besides which, I'd rather talk about Tiger Woods.

I'd rather have a real anaesthetic.

Yeah, well...

Aw, did I ruin it for you?

I'm getting my fucking coffee. Don't be at my desk when I get back.

(The 12 Days of Christmas is something I made up a few hours ago. It's a series of dialogues every day leading up to Xmas Day. This was the first one, entitled, 'Tiger Woods'.)

Tags: 12days

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