Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

  • Music:

Nowhere Near Savannah, Art by Anna Brown, Words by Ben Peek

Your phone is ringing.

I hear it.

Planning on answering it?

Probably shouldn't.


Lemme just say I'm glad it's your phone that I borrowed while I was here.



I hate you.

I know.

You've been in this country for four fucking days, bro, and you've already left some kind've mess behind you—where's your fucking shame?

I tried not too, but I just made a bit of a mistake, and when I tried to make it better, just made it worse.

I mean, I've apologised, but apparently that's not good enough, so...

I don't want to know.




But aren't you an adult now?


Meaning shouldn't you know who to fuck and who not to fuck now?

Most of the time.

When Cas gets back here I'm going to laugh at you with him.

I'll give you ten bucks to not do that.

Ten bucks?

I bet him that I could live consequent free for the entire trip. If he knows, he'll call it on me when I least expect it.

Gimme my ten bucks now.


Thank you.

Incidentally, I can't believe you made that bet.

It seemed very easily back in the airport.


I'm going to assume then that this guy you're going out to dinner with tonight has a good job, respects women, and won't turn out to be psychopathic, then?

We're not talking about me.



Well, alright, but when you're telling me what a freak this guy was a few days after you fuck him, I want you to remember this moment, and how I didn't lord it over you.

How I accepted that you're a flawed individual who sometimes makes poor choices.

I want you to remember that.

You really fucked up, didn't you?

Ah—it was just.

It was this moment where all obvious logic fled me.


Why do I feel fourteen?

You ever feel like you're still in high school sometimes?

I just came from a writer's thing. It's High School cliques all over again, but there are only nerds.

Is that right doctor Peek?


But, y'know, outside that kind of shit, no, it's not really like school.

Are you kidding?

Every job I've had is cliques and drama. You never escape the he said, she said, like, not like, cool, uncool, fucked up mentality that was being a teenager. Some days High School was just like this testing ground for the rest of your fucking life.


It totally is.

I'll give you an example. Every relationship I ever had is about fucking ownership, because that's what that first bit of love is, you know? It's owner-fucking-ship. It's wanting to possess something so badly that it cannot exist without you.

It's the desire to consume the individual.

No wonder you're still single.

Answer your phone then.

It's ringing again.

Fuck you.

Take a look behind us, at what Cas is doing.

If you just admit that you're jaded and cynical and used up, life will be easier.

Are you fucking listening to me?

Yeah. Okay. Cas. Talking to his girlfriend.

On the surface, a good thing to do in a relationship.

But what lurks deep within that desire to call is to continually re-establish ties with her, to make sure she remembers who she is owned by, who is her lord and master—

See, now I know you're fucking with me.


Too far with that lord and master shit, Kel.

It's so easy to play you sometimes, bro.

Didn't work this time.

What's she like, anyway?



Fucked if I know. She doesn't like me.

She sounds awesome.

Fuck you.

What's her thing with you, anyway?

I think she's insane.

Like, clinically, y'know?

A couple of weeks ago, she had one of her friends look me up on facebook and start talking me. Never met her, nothing like that, and the next thing I know she's telling me that we have a lot in common, and that Charlie thinks we would make good friends.

And yet the one thing that pisses you off quicker than anything else is people thinking they know you.

How ironic.

Also, Cas said this girl had a big hideous scar over her face.




You shouldn't be shallow, bro.

I try not to be cause I'm pretty ugly, but disfiguring scars—

They just not my thing.

Okay, okay, tell if this true: did she really move in with Cas?

Yeah, she's pretty keen on him, so I just keep my mouth shut about her burning hate for me. It's not a big deal.

Well, you keep turning down her friends and you might make her push a little harder.

Her what?



You never heard of the push?

Is this another one of your insightful moments?

No, this one is real.

See, a girl, she gets to a certain point in her life, and she meets a guy, and it's all about settling down, about starting something. Something to give life purpose. I'm not saying that guys don't do this, because they do, but I'm a girl, and I understand the push from my side. I understand what it's like to find a guy and think, Yeah, this is fucking going to stay, and deciding that a couple of weeks into it, of telling yourself that you're in love, and then starting to move everything round in his life so that it's what you want.

That's the push. Pushing everything into place.

That's more fucking bullshit.

No, this one—this one I've done twice.


Remember Josh and Daniel?

Stoner and the Real Estate Agent.

Pushed twice.

Didn't work out, though.

I was engaged twice, Ben.

Valid point.



Phone's ringing again.

Learn to tune it out.

We just both jaded old cynics, aren't we?


But what you going to do besides live with it?

Tags: nowherenearsavannah

  • Leviathan’s Blood Film

    Originally published at Ben Peek. You can comment here or there. The paperback release of Leviathan’s Blood is very soon and to…

  • A Bit of Bolano, Schafer, and Cooke.

    Originally published at Ben Peek. You can comment here or there. Here are a few more reviews of books I’ve read recently: 2666,…

  • Interview, A Few Books Read

    Originally published at Ben Peek. You can comment here or there. Just a small update today. If you’re interested, you can get a whole…

  • Post a new comment


    Comments allowed for friends only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded