My name is Jean Claude Van Damme and I am a mage.
Hand-to-hand combat for me, it's over! Now I can cast powerful spells.
Just try messing with me - I'll turn you into a sheep. A sheep!
Because we all are a bit like sheep, you know.
I am Jean-Claude Van Damme, I am a mage.
And you? What's your game?
A while back there was a series of American World of Warcraft commercials featuring people like Mr. T and William Shatner. The French, however, have Jean Claude Van Damme.
I provided a translation below, because the lines about sheep are awesome.
Anyhow, back to writing novel.