My name is Jean Claude Van Damme and I am a mage.

Hand-to-hand combat for me, it's over! Now I can cast powerful spells.

Just try messing with me - I'll turn you into a sheep. A sheep!

Because we all are a bit like sheep, you know.

I am Jean-Claude Van Damme, I am a mage.

And you? What's your game?

A while back there was a series of American World of Warcraft commercials featuring people like Mr. T and William Shatner. The French, however, have Jean Claude Van Damme.

I provided a translation below, because the lines about sheep are awesome.

Anyhow, back to writing novel.