Okay:
Run this by me again.
Right.
That's very kind.
I understand.
That's what I thought you said in this aisle at Woolworths.
Please.
No, man, it's good to see you're not using plastic bags after last time.
Well.
I thought you were cutting back?
Didn't I have a conversation a month ago about how you were giving this up?
I believe it had something to do with your brother.
Something about sending the wrong message to him, and how you wanted to be a positive role model to him in responsible drug usage.
And a couple of months before that, it was how crystal meth was messing with your gym time.
I'm just noticing a trend here.
Yeah, you saying it's time to cut back, and then two to three weeks later, you haven't. Usually, not worth mentioning, except if you were dating your drugs, I'd have to tell you that you should decide if you want be there or not.
What?
Yeah, TV show in the eighties. Punky grew up to be really cute.
But:
In the show, they had an episode where Punky and her black friend, who is so fucking eighties that she wears a pink headband... those two get to be friends with a bunch of year six girls. They're, what, twelve? Impossibly white and rich and with bracers and cocaine habits.
Did they all get high?
So, you need to chant, let me know.
Someone sounds a little defensive.
Right, cause this conversation is totally not Leave-Me-Alone-Mum-I-Know-What-I'm-Doing.
No, man, I'm just pointing a trend that has come up since the crystal meth arrived—
Point me to a happy crystal meth story.
I have never met anyone who said, “I've used crystal meth for years, and I'm fine with it.”
What I've met is people who got addicted to it real quick, got themselves bad teeth, money issues, and generally fucked up.
Thing is, I don't even like saying this shit to you, man. It's Punky Brewster, like you say, and I don't give a fuck what drug people take. Snort it, smoke it, inject it, I don't really care what anyone does, so long as they're good with it.
Really?
But, look, after the holidays, I got to give it up anyway—it's starting to get in the way of my job.
See, I heard this one before, too.
What?
Publishing, I'd give up publishing.
Yeah, well.
And?
No, man, that's fucking cool. I appreciate the Kinder Surprise, except, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we learn a few years ago that the chocolate is kinda shit?
I thought it was love and kindness?
Drum roll?