Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

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Nowhere Near Savannah, Art by Anna Brown, Words by Ben Peek

It's all fucked now.



You talking to me, yeah?

You see anyone else here?

You just walked through the door, dude. Where's my hello?

Fucking hi, then.

See, civilization has begun in my living room.

Fuck you.

What you in a bad mood for?

Charlie asked me to give blood today.

You tell her you're the only guy I know who faints at the sight of his own blood?

I left out the part about you.

Probably didn't think of the children who could use your blood, either.

You given blood lately, man?

You know I haven't.

What's your reason then?


Yeah, that's better than mine.

If my girlfriend asked me to go, I would.

You're single.

Which is why I don't give a fuck. But, if I had an accident, I want other peoples blood, and I want it quick fucking smart.

I mean, I might die I don't get it.




Can I get back to my story now?

The politics of blood isn't good enough?

Do you want to hear the story?

Can I grab a drink beforehand?


Right then. Start it up.


Despite what you think, Charlie was cool with what I said. She was very understanding. A lot more than my friends have been in the past.

But it was after that that I made my mistake.

What'd you do?

I told her she should ask the Snake.

You did?

I did.

This is the same Snake who is trying to steal your girlfriend, right?

There's only one.

Sounds like a bad choice, man.

It's not what you're thinking.



See, last week I was standing in one the aisles at work with him. Me and him, we're filling the shelves with dog food, just going along, talking about nothing, pretending like we don't have this thing between us, when two of his friends come up. I'd met them before: they're a couple who're getting married. They're alright. Anyhow, they come up, and they say, “Darren, I'm sorry, we didn't mean to upset you.”

“It's not a big deal,” he replies.

“We had no idea that you and Charlie were together.”


Yeah, exactly: What? What the fuck?

I'm holding a can of dog food and thinking do I hit him with it now? Is that what I'm allowed to do now? Instead, he says, very quickly, “No, no, that's not true. You must've misunderstood. Charlie and me aren't going out.”

The girl in the couple says, “Then why did you want her name on the invitation?”

Get the fuck out.

I don't know what to think. I'm just standing there, fucking stunned, and Snake looks at me, and then he looks at his watch—literally, looks at his fucking watch the asshole—and then says, “Look at the time, I've got to go,” and virtually runs out of the aisle.

What'd you do after that?

I just stood there stunned.

Should've talked to the couple.

Well, I didn't. After this shit, I got thinking—

Thinking, I don't have to take this shit, you know? I can get my own back at him, if I want. I can fuck with him. I know a lot about the dude. We used to be friends. I know that he faints at the sight of blood, just like me, for example.

So you tell your girlfriend to ask him so he says no?


I tell her to ask him because I know he'll say yes.

He will?

He can't say no to her. Even in a situation where he'll faint in front of her, he can't say no.


That's—that's kinda diabolical, playing the dude like that.



And I just got a phone call from Charlie. She's at the hospital.


Turns out he fainted in such a way that he had to be taken to hospital, and that is where she is, right now, sitting in the waiting room, worried about him.

That is so cool.

You are now my new personal hero, it's that cool.

You don't think it's going to cause a problem when she finds out?

You going to tell her?

No, but it's not real healthy for my relationship, you think?

I got news for you, man: you're not in a healthy relationship.

Fuck you.

Aw. Come on, think about the poor guy, lying there, in hospital, knowing you sent him to give blood, knowing that you played him, and he looks like a retard...



Okay, yeah, you're right, it's beautiful.

Tags: nowherenearsavannah
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