I have a real love hate with New Year's Eve.

Every year (almost without fault, actually) the New Year rolls round and I, in the weeks and months leading up to it, forget this, and when I do think about it pass it off with a shrug that I simply don't care, and that it's too much hassle. I'm not really a people/party person for the simple reason that I have to spend time with people I wouldn't outside that night and listen to their usually very uninteresting conversations and children/jobs/yourattempttobuyahousebutcantcausesydneyisexpensivefuckoff/whatever. Go figure, huh? Still, about a week from the event, I realise I'm not doing anything, and that I should, and thus I ring round my friends, find out what they're doing, and if possible, latch onto something like the parasite of New Year's Eve Parties that I am. Usually this doesn't work out so well since my friends are, by and large, like me in this regard, and we end up parasiting on another party where the aforementioned people of conversation death lurk. Thus, year after year, we end up in shitty house parties, with shitty music, shitty drama, shitty people, and a vow at the end that next year we'll do something better. It never happens. I lie to myself year in and year out, it seems.

This year, however, I have decided to embrace the lame last minute opportunities that I have.

I have decided to embrace Vanilla Ice on Coogee beach for one hundred and forty dollars!

But!

I want you to know that this is not just lame.

This is Awesomely Lame.

Think about it for a moment.

Last week, L, my cousin, told me she was going to some New Year's thing with some of the other cousins, and I should go. What was it? Who knew, she said. It cost a bit, though. I passed, thinking I could find a cheaper way to spend the night. Then R, who is the recently married cousin, told me that she was heading to an embarrassingly lame event... that being Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Fucking Ice. I didn't even like Vanilla Ice when he was popular! But for some unknown reason, New Year's Eve spent on Coogee beach with an expensive gig with Vanilla Ice and others (and food and drink, the price covers that, thankfully) is just so lame that it exceeds ordinary lameness and pushes it into Awesomely Lame, which, I think we'll all agree, is better than ordinary lame.

So I am going. Yesterday, I tried to convince J that he should come, since he has no plans, and very wisely he said, "I think it speaks of the event that coming up to New Year's when everything is sold out that this still has tickets," and I couldn't disagree. He's right. Also you could spent a hundred and forty bucks on drugs you'd enjoy.

But it wouldn't be Awesomely Lame.

Which, I think you'll agree, is something you have to pay for at times.



(If, by the way, you've nothing going on for New Year's and you want to rock up to this event, feel free to join me. The more the merrier. Tickets are, obviously, still available.)