Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

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Let's Get Ready, Sydney! (Just Like Cormac McCarthy)

Discuss what sort of events may affect your family and friends. These might include storms, power failure, fire and earthquake.



If there was, like, a terrorist attack, what would happen to us?

What the fuck are you talking about?

It's on the site. The Get Ready Sydney site. These--these are the fucking questions I'm suppose to ask you, man.

We're not going to be terrorist attacked.

I ain't saying that.

You just did--stop bothering me with this.

It makes harsh my sunshine.



Nuclear fucking winter, dude.


That's what I'm talking about.

We don't even have a bomb shelter.

Work out how you would respond to each emergency, for example should you evacuate or remain inside?

We could build one?

Fucking build one. What we look like, builders?

That's a good point.

Yeah, so what the fuck, man: is there, like, a bomb shelter near here?

I don't know, I don't talk to our neighbours.

They could be building bomb shelters right now and we're on the fucking out because we're lazy.

Are you suggesting a neighbourhood barbecue?

If you have a better idea on how to make everyone love us quick, I'd like to hear it.

Discuss and identify how you would evacuate from each room of your home, from your building and from the neighbourhood. Know your workplace procedures as well.

Would a barbecue do it, though?

When nuclear fucking winter comes and they're living in fucking bomb shelters and it comes down to who will you help, who's it going to be?

Your family?

After them. When you have people knocking on the bomb shelter door--

And you got the cold snags.

Fucking brilliant, man!

We'll barbecue every night. Fuck the stove. We'll have a supply of cold fucking food to take in with is.

That'll stop the immediate cannibalism, too. We'll be short term heroes for that.

Discuss and identify safe places in your home (away from windows) where you can shelter in place.

Speaking of which...

We should really identify families to eat first?

That's what I'm thinking.I don't want to eat those hippies down the fucking road.

It's all fucking vegetarian down there--I'm sure that's not going to make good people.

Dude, I dunno what to say. I'd still be thinking about bomb shelters if you weren't here.

You're like, today's personal Jesus.

Know where your home’s water, electricity and gas shut-off points are, and how to switch them off safely.

It's a good thing you bought this to my attention.

You know, we might be able to make some cash during this time, too.


Well, after nuclear winter, society starts to rebuild itself, and a whole new social class starts to emerge, y'know?

I see where you coming from.

A little fucking foresight puts us in the dominant position. Sell some gas bottles. Batteries. We'll only take cash or barter.

We could trade for virgin daughters.


I'm just saying.

Lets keep it realistic here, mate.

Create a Go Bag

Okay, okay.

We can sell people bags, y'know? Like, the fucking Go Bags they got here.

Yeah, any ideas we can nick?

They list toilet paper.





What the fuck do you need keys for in nuclear winter?

That's what they got listed. They got a fucking hat, some water, a little fucking radio, pen and paper to write nuclear winter diaries--

That's enough, man. Fucking government. They leading people to their fucking deaths.

Decide where you and your family or friends will meet after an emergency.

Look, fuck them. Fuck that. I think we're organised, don't you?

What about family?

It's nuclear fucking winter, man. Fucking live or die on your wits. No fucking dead family weight--that's what brings people down in this situation.

You're okay if they become cannibalistic zombies, then?

You thinking otherwise?


Survival of the fucking fittest. That's what I'm talking about.

Create a Contact List. Choose someone who lives in a different area to be the contact person for your family. In an emergency, it’s often easier to contact someone outside the area, who can pass on messages to the rest of your loved ones.

What about your girlfriend?

What about?

We might need to repopulate, y'know. A breeding--



You're not fucking my girlfriend.

Your jealousy will be the death of the fucking human race, man.

I don't give a fuck. You are not pulling out your warty fucking cock--

Those fucking warts are gone.

Make sure you have adequate household insurance.

Who fucking cares?

You had a warty fucking cock--you and it are not going to fucking breed in my girlfriend.

You are so fucking small minded. I bet you don't touch AIDS suffers, either.

I don't know anyone with AIDS. All I know is some fucking dog who put his cock in the wrong place and got it warty.

That was a fucking bad moment, that is all.

Well that bad moment cost you your breeding rights with my girlfriend.

Go through your emergency plan at least twice a year. Your emergency plan is only effective if everyone knows how it works.

You are taking all the fucking fun out of nuclear fucking winter.

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