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Live From LA



"Listen: I'm about to get on a flight. I'll be back on Thursday."

"Don't you ever say hello anymore?"

The caller is my sister, standing in LA airport, about to catch a flight back to Sydney. Eighteen hours. She'll be here tomorrow, but in the States, that's two days away. I'm living in the future: the days happen to me before her. It's about the only thing that does, here in Australia.

"Shut up," she says. "I haven't slept since Monday night. I thought I could get to sleep on the flights, but you know what? First flight, screaming fucking kids. Second flight, screaming fucking kids. Do you know what I'm looking at now?"


"High school students. A whole class of them. A whole class of girls."

"You won't be able to flirt with any of them," I say. "At least for the first four hours."

"This isn't funny, Ben."

I laugh.

"You're such a dick. Did I tell you I'm suing my old job?"

She actually said the name of her company there, but I figure I'll keep that out, just to be safe. I say, "How American of you."

"They owe me money. Thirteen thousand, in fact."

"Still, how many people did you sue in Australia?"


"How many?"


I wait.

Quietly, she says, "None."

"See. You're in the States for a year and you're suing people. You're so American now. I bet you have an accent."

"Fuck you," she says. "Look, I have to go now. I'll see you when I get back, okay?"

"Sure. Have a nice flight."


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Jun. 13th, 2007 02:39 am (UTC)
Listen, two hours in Orlando and anybody might start a lawsuit.
Jun. 13th, 2007 02:50 am (UTC)
I had jury duty last month. During the droning presentation on the rights and responsibilities of jurors, we were told that there are fewer lawsuits per capita in present-day America than colonial America. By a huge factor.

I was amazed, and ate my free blueberry muffin with relish. Who knows when I'll get another jury muffin if frivolous lawsuits continue on this downward trend?
Jun. 13th, 2007 03:06 am (UTC)
Jun. 13th, 2007 03:30 am (UTC)
In colonial America (and in Britain, etc) there were duels.

Assuming that one person was killed or seriously injured would tend to reduce the number of any sort of lawsuit.

---factory farmer
Jun. 14th, 2007 01:38 am (UTC)
i reckon dueling should come back. if only because i'd like to watch rich people fight each other over their petty squabbles.
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 13th, 2007 11:59 am (UTC)
naw. funny :)
Jun. 13th, 2007 08:56 am (UTC)
You're so getting sued for blogging this.

Hey, seeing as you're so far ahead it must be quite near the end of blog like it's the end of the world day?
Jun. 13th, 2007 11:59 am (UTC)
near the end of what? don't make me sue you, man!
Jun. 13th, 2007 12:07 pm (UTC)
Jun. 13th, 2007 10:20 am (UTC)
Team Ben Peek's Sister.

When the revolution comes, brothers will be the second thing to go.
Jun. 13th, 2007 12:00 pm (UTC)

goddamn, it must be FIRST!
Jun. 13th, 2007 02:18 pm (UTC)
What do you down there if not sue?
Jun. 14th, 2007 01:38 am (UTC)
why, we talk about culture, of course.
Jun. 13th, 2007 12:53 pm (UTC)
Not that I'm suing anyone but I just got back from Hobart and a week away from the computer (yes they have the internet down there but I didn't have access to it). Anyway, y'know what is the first site that I load up after checking my emails? It's your freakin' blog. Sad I know.
Jun. 14th, 2007 01:39 am (UTC)

i ought to get some kinda medal! (hope you had a good time in hobart, man, and congrats on the new comp)
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