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Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and it was rubbish. I want my fifteen bucks back.

The film is an instructional video for bad choices and missed opportunities and what kind of impact they will have on your work. I could spend my time going through each of them and pointing out how characterisation is broken, plot devices are tacked on, cameos are stupid, and resolution fails, but instead, I'll limit myself to just say that, if, in your final battle, you have two navies preparing for an epic battle, a pissed off goddess, and various subplots to tie up... well, a whirlpool and three ships fighting while everyone else sits on the horizon is not just a missed opportunity, but a criminal lack of imagination, and you should be working in Disneyland behind a counter for the pittance that is paid there, not making films.


That was a lot quicker that previous reviews, wasn't it?


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Jun. 5th, 2007 11:50 pm (UTC)
Well said.

While I liked the last 30 minutes, on the whole I thought the film was one big bloated badly paced mess.
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:01 am (UTC)
i don't think i liked any of it... i should have, cause i liked the first two, but... well, no.
Jun. 5th, 2007 11:57 pm (UTC)
Sour puss, grumpy face.

However, the last battle was the weak point. The bit that bugged me was the way the pissed off goddess left the stage without an adequate resolution.
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:00 am (UTC)
what, the two navies sitting round doing nothing didn't bother you?
Jun. 6th, 2007 02:54 am (UTC)
That did bug me quite a bit.

"But, oh look, we're doing a DRAMATIC sandwich of the flagships. Well, I guess the other navy three times as big as ours MUST be demoralized now. Look at 'em run!"

But I also thought, "Well, they at least ENDED the movie earlier because of it."
Jun. 6th, 2007 03:01 am (UTC)
yes, well. there was that. however, my friend made me stay until the end of the credits for the final bit. i almost puked.
Jun. 6th, 2007 03:10 am (UTC)
Well, I thought the Knightley/Zombie end was touching and sweet, while the rest of them setting up for a sequel was ridiculous, but I'm a sucker for a tragic love story.

On the other hand, if you've seen the most recent film version of "Pride and Prejudice," starring Knightley as Elizabeth, the final clip after the credits of Pirates 3 mirrors that oh so dramatic scene where Elizabeth is standing on some cliffs and looking woefully into the glorious distance.

Now, I've always hoped that better technology could come sooner so that I can have a genre-breaking catastrophe button that may or may not make sense in the context of the story. For example, I'd like to have that button so that when Mr. Darcy is overcome with emotion (and I know it happens at least once), I can press that button and have him start going on a homocidal rampage. Or the Bride in Kill Bill decides to become a pacifist at a critical moment, finally overcome with all the killing she's done, and then dies horribly as a result. I don't even need the button for Daibosatsu Toge.

Similarly, that scene on the cliffs made me yearn for the button so that we could see Elizabeth turn and screamingly face a horde of zombies before she leaps off to her death.

The POINT of all this rambling is that I was reminded of that scene by the post-credits scene in Pirates 3, and was thus reminded of the button, and thus thought, "Where are the zombies!?" Then realized not a moment later, "Oh wait! He's in the ocean! Coming to GET them! Bwa ha ha..."

Okay, so that was a really long setup for a lame joke, but it amuses me a lot... XD
Jun. 6th, 2007 03:15 am (UTC)
well, at least you got something out of the post :P
Jun. 6th, 2007 03:34 am (UTC)
Now I really want one of those buttons too.

I'd also like an 'undo stupid decision' button that I could apply to just about every Stargate episode.
Jun. 6th, 2007 08:06 am (UTC)
My arse was destroyed by the preceeding three hours so I didn't stay for this. Is it on You Tube and worth seeing?
Jun. 6th, 2007 11:10 am (UTC)
i have no idea if it's on youtube, but i shall tell you what it is, if you want.

here's a hint: it's ten years later.
Jun. 6th, 2007 03:02 am (UTC)
oh, also, the sandwich... stupid on so many levels, and not least because all three ships would have been damaged by such a display.
Jun. 6th, 2007 02:55 am (UTC)
Actually, her end was one of the few things about her whole subplot I actually did like. Because if she kept rampaging around as a 50 foot Amazon woman, I probably would have ended up quite upset.

She's a goddess. Let her rage in tempests, not in anthropomorphic silliness.
Jun. 6th, 2007 04:02 am (UTC)
Calypso is anthropomorphic in every literary apperance I'm familiar with (she's constantly shagging Odysseus in Homer) -- not that that was my issue, and I also very much liked the Amazon-to-shower-of-disappearing-crabs-to-massive-whirlpool bit.

However, since the Calypso/Davy Jones star-crossed lovers bit was amped up to be the central motivation of the story, I thought it could've done with a touch more closure after Davy's fall into the whirling maelstrom and all.
Jun. 6th, 2007 12:06 am (UTC)
So I shouldn't go see it then?

But...but...did Keith Richards look all fucked up? I mean...isn't it cool that he's in it? ::air guitar::
Jun. 6th, 2007 12:59 am (UTC)
no, keith richards is really ridiculous. it's the kind of thing that's painful to watch, cause you know it's in there just for the whole cameo.
Jun. 6th, 2007 12:14 am (UTC)
Clearly, everyone should have seen this while mildly drunk as I did. You appreciate the zombie monkey just that much more.
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:02 am (UTC)
i kept forgetting the monkey was a zombie...
Jun. 6th, 2007 12:56 am (UTC)
five minutes of Chow Yun Fat...I walked out after that, went to another movie just as bad. It's all shit.
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:01 am (UTC)
poor chow. he's always so useless in american films.
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 6th, 2007 01:50 am (UTC)
man, that sounds like one painful screening. but at least you weren't raped fanancially by the cinemas. they're insane here--kinda like a mafia. a poorly run mafia, mind you, as my time in their employee showed.
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 6th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
i got no problem with downloading--i do it mostly for old films, though, simply because i like going to the cinema. it shits me that such bad films keep getting put out there--i enjoy cinemas. but i don't go nearly as much as i once did.
Jun. 6th, 2007 08:10 am (UTC)
Pfft, it cost me 18 bucks and that was a cheap ticket. Never go to the cinema in London.
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