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Valentines Day, A Conversation

C is in my car and I'm driving us to the video store.

"How was your Valentines Day?" he asks.

"The usual."



"So... it was different this year."

"Yeah, yeah." I come up to a set of traffic lights. Red. "How was yours?"

"I worked." C works as a nightshift manager at Coles. "I basically watched couples come in and buy flowers, chocolate, and condoms."


"Yeah, man, all one purchase. Shitty Coles flowers, cheap chocolate, and condoms that vibrate."


"Well, mostly it was just cheap condoms."

The light turns green. "So, you're, like, saying couples just come in and buy all this together?"

"It's not like one couple, either. One couple is not worth a mention of this. This is a whole evening of couples walking in and buying all three. It's kinda fucking weird."

"Coles flowers?"

"That's not the worse of it, man. One guy, he had to have Belgium chocolates. Like, from Belgium. Fucking dude had me looking through all these boxes of chocolates for where they're from. You know a lot of them come from Switzerland?"

"Can't say I've ever give it much thought." We are going over a bridge. Ahead of us a truck swerves round a corner, taking up two lanes. I slow. "That guy was there by himself?"

"Yeah, but he bought condoms too. No flowers. Chocolate is serious business though, man. There was this dude, he bought the wrong chocolate. Took it home to his girlfriend. She's all ready for flowers and chocolate and sex, whatever, y'know? And he comes back with the chocolate and she freaks the fuck out. Wrong fucking chocolate, apparently. So she makes him come back to Coles to return the fucking chocolate and get the right one. She stood there beside him."

We turn a corner. Nearly there. "What do you mean she stood there?"

"She came to the store, man, to make sure he got the right chocolate."

"That's kinda fucked up."

"Yeah, that's kinda fucked up. I don't think he was having sex that night."

"I kinda doubt it."

We pull up outside the video store.

"Hey, you know what I hear is a good film?"


"Footy Legends."

And later, we watched it, and it was truly a piece of shit. I appear in it about four times.


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(Deleted comment)
Feb. 16th, 2007 01:07 am (UTC)
she was described as 'trashy' :)
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 16th, 2007 01:18 am (UTC)
yeah, i would've done the same thing. she sounds like waaay to much stress.
Feb. 16th, 2007 02:11 am (UTC)
Oh man, this is precisely why I never bothered with the concept of valentines day. If I wanna buy someone flowers and chocolates from Coles, I can do that any day of the year (except christmas and good friday).
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:06 am (UTC)
yeah, tell me about it. and flowers from coles? man, i'd feel ripped if i was given those.
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:13 am (UTC)
I sometimes buy lilies from supermarkets when I'm buying groceries, but that's just to make my house look and smell pretty.
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:28 am (UTC)
sure, but i'd never buy them as an expression of my love. that's just wrong.
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:17 am (UTC)
Can I think of anything less romantic than a couple buying flowers, chocolates and condoms together at the Coles check out?


Feb. 16th, 2007 04:27 am (UTC)
i was kinda baffled at what the romantic element of it was, too.
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:30 am (UTC)
Cos, you know, any guy who can't be arsed making separate trips for the bouquet and the rubbers...
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:34 am (UTC)
lets not forget that the girl is with him.
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:37 am (UTC)
actually, they sound just right for each other now you mention it. shudder.
Feb. 16th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
That's quite amusing... although, y'know, I've walked into a store and bought condoms with a girl before. I wasn't going to admit that, but... c'est la vie.

Damn man, you did well for an extra. I'm not sure you can see me in Layer Cake at all. Annoying, eh, as the shot of me at the bar talking to Daniel Craig must have got cut!
Feb. 17th, 2007 08:24 am (UTC)
it's only when you buy flowers and chocolate with the condom that you're in trouble.

yeah, i guess i did well for an extra. if i'd had a line they would have had to give me a credit.
Feb. 17th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
I think we went for take-away pizza instead... probably not too far off trouble. Haha.

Try shouting out your own made up lines next time! When they question you, yell "BUT I'M A WRITER!" in their face. It's sure to go down well.

Like someone you've bought chocolate and flowers for.
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