Excuse number one for beating your kid: The Bible says it's okay.
I was sitting in the Doctor's Office this morning. I hauled myself over there after I woke up with what felt like a lump in my throat, after having gone through work the day before in a haze of sneezing, fever, and some kind of awareness of my surroundings. I ended up going to work in a friend's car because I couldn't start my own. I remember thinking, 'It's so easy to speed in this car,' and then I was at work. Strangely, I remember having a conversation with a girl who was eleven (or was she turning eleven?) and she was telling me that there was nothing wrong with gay people. 'You can't help how you're born,' she said, and then she asked me if I was emo. Still, I liked the kid. I hope she didn't infect me. Kids are disease bags and if she infected me, it'll be sad when I drown her in a sack.
Where am I? Oh, yes. The Doctor's Office. It's like about nine thirty, but the Doctor is late, so there's a line of retirees sitting there in shirts and shorts. The AC is on. I begin to freeze. They old folk talk about camper vans. They talk about feeling old. They talk about how the outback of Australia is dry, and how after the rain, you can see kangaroos appear to drink frantically out of the puddles. The secretary asks them if they're cold. I think ice is forming in my veins. I begin to say, 'Fuck yes, it's fucking cold,' but the olds say, 'No, No, not at all,' and so I shiver and keep my mouth shut. Fucking old people are superheated. Later, it turns out I'm running a fever. Can't be as bad as yesterday, since I got my car started. The lump in my throat turns out to be what the doctor cheerfully refers to as Some of the Most Swollen Tonsils She's Ever Seen. If only I could take a picture. But she gave me drugs and I went and found some more.
The Bible quote came from one of the olds. I felt like hurling something at him. My head, perhaps. If you're for hitting kids, just say you're for it. Don't use to the Bible as your excuse. Just say it's how you think you should discipline kids. The little disease bags infected me. I can get behind some beatings.