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Lord of the Drugs.

i have a theory about the first lord of the rings film.

basically, the whole thing, the ring of power, the forces of evil, they're all inspired by 'old toadie' which we'll just call a nameless and unidentified drug. whatever suits your purpose here, basically. be it pot, be it crack, acid, whatever whenever. if you fill like it, name the drug that you think everyone is stuffing into their pipes when something bad happens.

but it's true.

every time someone starts muttering about a Dark Power or the Ultimate Evil in those drug addled conspiracy ways, the pipe has been brought out and their puffing away at it. remember gandalf in front of the fire, before frodo comes home, afraid to pick up the ring unless he gets caught by the big fiery eye? puffing away on his pipe, his eyes all over the place, muttering to himself.

and what's he puffing away on right as bilbo turns invisible?

gandalf: the addict.

in the inn, where frodo turns invisible beneath strider's gaze? what's the ol'lost king puffing away on there? the pipe. puff puff--oh my GOD THAT GUY JUST TURNED INVISIBLE!

and i mean, who better than to have the good hallucinating drugs than the ranger? in the woods, alone with his pipe and the occasional visit from his good old friend gandalf? for all we know, it's probably strider and his secret plantation out there in the hills of middle earth that are being a supplier for everyone?

and you know, frodo is a bit partial to the ol'pipe. isn't it just possible that he and bilbo have smoked more than they should, and the other hobbits have shown up on the doorstep with come cake and cheese and confronted them about their little problem? surely we've all seen a black rider of doom when the withdrawal symptoms kick in?

but there's trusty ol'gandalf, with his pipe and a hint to hit the road where you can find all them tasty mushrooms...

and the dwarven halls? all filled with dead? tell me you didn't see gandalf sitting there, smoking his pipe, fueling his drug addled dreams. powerful wizard like that on drugs? what good could come from it.

every time something comes along in the fellowship of the ring, something dark and nasty, something that looks just like a bad trip someone has been sucking back on the pipe.


sometimes they affect more than just you. that's what lord of the rings is telling us. all of us. watch it, and watch the pipe smoking, the mushroom hunting, and, if you need any more evidence, hobbits getting the munchies.


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Dec. 28th, 2002 09:14 am (UTC)
Geek mode turned on geek mode turned on geek mode turned on geek mode


For the record, though, I was under the influence of alcohol on both of my viewings of THE TWO TOWERS, a powerful and far-reaching influence since it included a chocolate martini which, as all well know, is one of the most powerful substances on earth and should be licensed. Oh, the martini certainly affects you. It even affects others. It even effects others when you, under the effect of the chocolate martini, fall under the mistaken impression that when Aragorn is telling the good folks of Rohan that they need to stand up and fight, fight, fight, he is actually telling you specifically that he needs you to smear chocolate on him and give him a night of extensive pleasure before all the fighting begins and not to worry particularly about the mess, since nobody will be able to distinguish chocolate from all the mud, anyway, and if you're really nice, he'll even wash his hair for you. Well, wait a minute -- this is an indoor scene; hair is washed. As soon as he steps outside, though, all hair-washing bets are off.

I was making a point here, but I got distracted.

"Hello, I'm Legolas the Elf, and you can look at me."

"I'm looking, I'm definitely looking. Don't you hug him; he's mine."

Actually, it sounds more as if I'M the one on drugs - not Gandalf.

Dec. 28th, 2002 03:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Geek mode turned on geek mode turned on geek mode turned on geek mode
responding sensibly?

pfft. they're not sensible posts! heh.
Dec. 29th, 2002 10:38 am (UTC)
Re: Geek mode turned on geek mode turned on geek mode turned on geek mode
Nor am I a sensible reader.

So there we go.

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