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Things You Do Once and Never Again.

I've caught a bit of the flu, but that's no real excuse for allowing myself (along with D, who has no excuse) to watch the Miss Universe thing on the tv tonight.

Since I've never actually watched a Miss Universe competition before, I must admit that I was surprised by how difficult it was to tell each finalist from the other once the this-is-my-nation-I-have-no-name sashes were taken off. I'd also never given any real thought about how the socially supported beauty notion (long legs, tumbling hair, flat stomach, not being too ethnic, blah blah) gets real boring after about the seventh girl walks in front of you. In response to this, I found myself saying things like, "Who allowed her to wear that dress? That is a fucking hideous dress, man. Whoever that is screwed now. Do you know who that is?"

"No," D would reply. "Why aren't they wearing the sashes still? I'm lost without the sashes."

The much promoted swimsuit competition was a lot more stupid that I'd ever thought. Now, before I continue, I don't want whoever is sitting there to think, "Ben doesn't like bikinis." That's not true. I like bikinis just fine. Personally, they've never looked good on me, but perhaps this is just because of my own low self opinion and due to the fact that I don't wax my bikini line. I don't see why I should. Fuck that noise: hair is natural. You should learn to love it. But whoever decided that all the girls should wear white bikinis, heels, and makeup while they strutted down a runway should be slapped round a little. I reckon the only other place you can see all three combined into such a bland display of sexuality is hardcore pornography. And in the Miss Universe competition one of the questions is not, "How do you handle yourself in a bukkake situation?"

More's the shame, really.

Of course, all the girls say the same thing when question, but that's to be expected. It's all about being positive, loving your parents, doing everything you can to be the woman they'll love, but try not to have a sexuality. There is, however, some joy in watching one of the finalists get asked about the politics of their home country and flop around the stage like she's been shot in the forehead as she tries to turn the answer into a little essay about being positive and believing in yourself and rescuing puppies. There wasn't enough of these moments to justify my hour and a half spent watching it, but life is like that some times. Any day now I'll get back to reading and writing and working on my thesis. Any day.


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May. 31st, 2005 01:23 pm (UTC)
I watched a Miss Universe comp one year. Or Miss World? Can't remember. Anyhow, it was on quite late at night & it was promptly followed by the 'Miss Golden G-String Award'. This is an American comp for female strippers.

There was a remarkable similarity between the two shows. The girls' mothers all get involved in costume choice & sewing of sequins, the friends help out by giving commentaries of the girls' walks/strips down the runway, & everyone has a lot to say about the choosing of props/special talent stuff. Then of course you have the final shows with all the emotion & tears & disappointment thinly disguised by over-practised smiles & all that sisterly 'gosh I love you for winning instead of me' stuff. But, notably, there's quite a bit more honesty with the G-String Grrls. And a LOT more personality.

It was the darnedest thing.
May. 31st, 2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
you know what they didn't have? a special talent part. maybe it got cut out, but i could have done with a special talent part. of course, mostly, i could have done with some honestly, like, 'i hate my teeth. they're so white and shiny and awful and why did i let the dentist do this to me? i regret that so much.'
May. 31st, 2005 02:50 pm (UTC)
I don't like how they all hold their knees funny when they're posing, squeezing everything all tight. Like they're trying to keep something from falling out of their vaginas.
Jun. 2nd, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
heh. that's funny.
Jun. 1st, 2005 11:41 am (UTC)
"How do you handle yourself in a bukkake situation?"
Well, how do you handle yourself?

Actually, this reminds me of a very clever bit of urban grafitti that found its way into Flinders Street Station. The main underpass throughfare is clad in tiled walls bearing the very meaningful legend "Do Not Spit" glazed every few metres. Reccently some wag printed up a whole bunch of stickers with the word "...Swallow." as an addendum. Which struck me as being very deep indeed!
Jun. 2nd, 2005 05:33 am (UTC)
Re: "How do you handle yourself in a bukkake situation?"
i think the general idea is to smile during bukkake. smile and the world will smile with you, you know?
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