Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

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10 Things I've Learnt From Lost.

1) When I board a plane in Sydney, I want at least one doctor on the plane. A medical doctor, I might add. People will get sick and injured and those Arts faculty doctors are useless with a scalpel. I speak from experience.

2) I also want a hunter. No boarding the plane until a great white hunter with a suitcase full of knives is seated. Wheelchair optional.

3) You know the batteries the fat guy has for his discman? NASA designed them and I want them whenever I travel.

4) As an Australian leaving the largest Australian city, I can expect to not survive the plane crash unless I'm ridiculously attractive and unrealistically pregnant. Which, lets face it, if I was pregnant, would be the description.

5) Before boarding the plane, I will make sure the ex-Iraqi soldier is super nice and speaks perfect English with a faint British accent. Is it British even? Well, I'd be willing to skip the accent. But super nice Iraqis only need board the plane with me. I want them to get along with all the Americans, after all. It's important to be nice to your invaders.

6) I will not say, "Shit, you're one of the Hobbits! Sam and Frodo should've fucked!"

7) Redneck Americans are, apparently, unavoidable in every situation.

8) Beautiful women who are being dragged back in shackles to the States for unknown crimes will be as sweet as pie and, most likely, victims of circumstance that forced them to steal, fuck, and kill.

9) Try not to bring up the big, mysterious people eating monsters and the problem they represent. It might distress people. Keep your secrets to yourself.

10) Finally, I will not say, "Has anyone seen Alive?"
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