Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

  • Music:

I, Robot.

I saw I, Robot last night, but what it should have been called was I, Advertising.

It's remarkable that I enjoyed this film after the opening five minutes, which should have included a little note, saying, This section of the film was paid for by Converse and JVC and the company that owns the music being played. In fact, should a note have been provided, I would have found it a refreshing bit of honesty. But, alas, no note. Instead, Will Smith, in the future, shows near orgasmic joy over a pair of converse sneakers, vintage 2004. I thought to myself as I looked at the vintage shoes (that I could go and buy for eighty bucks, because, gosh shock fuck golly, I live in the year 2004!) that the film industry really does think I'm an idiot. It isn't even trying with subliminal marketing.

So, here's a bit of advice: you can buy knock offs of those Converse canvas basketball shoes for twenty bucks. They're a brand called Blend, believe it or not, and they are so identical that are probably owned by Converse, in the same way that Coca Cola owns Homebrand or No Frills or whatever those generic brands are in your part of the world. Twenty bucks. One orange note.

And when everyone around you looks down at your cheap knock offs and grins in ridicule, cause you're not branded in the socially acceptable way, you can ask, "How much you pay for yours?"


"I paid twenty. With the money I saved, I lower executive at Converse starved to death, and the mass process line of Globalisation was halted just for ten seconds. See how I helped the world and got a cheap pair of shoes identical (outside that ugly label) to yours?"

The advertising in I, Robot is so poorly hidden that you are left with no choice than to believe that Alex Proyas left his artistic license at the door, and cashed in big time. I hope he has new tomb stone cleaner for Brandon Lee, who, at this moment, is beating bony decayed fists against his coffin, demanding that his death at least ensure films without ham fisted marketing thrown through it.

Still, the film itself, isn't bad. Will Smith is slightly unpleasant in his role as detective Converse... I mean, Spooner. He drives an Audi. In fact, a lot of people drive an Audi. It appears as if the Audi has stormed the world with cheap automobiles that don't run on gas, thus reducing pollution. Of course, this is just guessing, because of course Audi doesn't make this kind of statement in the film, and would hate to do such a thing that would damage its market ratings in that industry of its, but still, it's hinted at. Audi also seems to have solved parking. But, like I said, Will Smith drives one, having recently returned to his job as a cop after an accident.

I actually thought the accident and how Proyas worked it into the film was the strongest part of it. I won't spoil it, except to say that, for me, it made the film rise above the stinking pile of product placement that it could have been. Well, that it was, really. (I mean, it's the fucking future, for gods sake, how hard is it to just make up fake companies and have them strewn through it to save me the feeling that I just paid eleven bucks to watch a commercial for fucking Converse? See Will Smith dodge the bad robot, see him kick, see how he gives everyone attitude... he has Converse. Yes, thank fucking you.)

Actually, you know, screw this. This film is a commercial. Skip the thing or download it or do something, anything, other than pay money for it.

And tell people, the reason you're doing this, is because you resent Converse assaulting your senses like so.

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