April 28th, 2011


The Republic Debate

I have decided that Australia needs to become a Republic. That's republic with a capital R, even if it doesn't need one.

The reason for this is a dream I had the other night. In it, I was a wedding planner to Kate Middleton and Prince William (who, it appears in the media, does not require a last name, for he is Prince William). In it, I was explaining to Kate, who yes, I called Kate, why having the wedding in a small, local church that many did not know of was better than having the wedding at Westminster Abbey. I told her, I said, I said, "Kate, dear, you are in danger of distancing yourself from the common people. They think you're aloof. By having the wedding in this small church, you will win them over in one event, you'll have them forever."

She did not quite believe me and she cried and stormed out into an underground tunnel, where old cars from the 1930s awaited us. Throughout it all, she wore her wedding dress, which was white, though we of course all know the lie implied there.

Now, obviously, there is a problem here.