December 26th, 2009


Ham (Day 1)


(Day One)

Where's my ten bucks?

No way?

I did it.

I ate Christmas ham for two whole weeks.

Only Christmas ham?

I had a salad with ham cubes last night. Gimme my fucking ten bucks.

I can't believe you did it.

That I did.

Well, here's your ten.

Thank you.

Really, ham salad?

You know, it's not that hard. You just cube up a bit. It's light. You pick a nice cheese and it's not too bad.

And so, like, every meal?

Yeah, that was the deal. I'd cook some up for breakfast, work in a nice sandwich or jaffle for lunch, and then fix something nice for dinner. I had baked macaroni with ham one night.

That was pretty early on, wasn't it?

Yeah, things got a little out of control about half way through. I started swapping recipes around.

Did you make butter ham?

No, but there was ham tacos, ham spaghetti, and in one large mistake, ham black bean sauce.

That didn't work out?

No. It wasn't as bad as the time I added ham to my wheatbix, though. I kinda knew that wasn't going to work from the start.

Why'd you do it?

Well, sometimes, in the name of science...

It's a good thing no one gave you an atomic bomb, huh?


How'd your Christmas go, anyhow?

Not too bad. Spent it with the family. My grandfather is 92 and a staunch believer that there's no such thing as global warming.

How'd you go with that?

I find a happy medium with him. For example, he doesn't think the world is getting warmer, but he also reckons that there's lots of other cleaner and better energies that could be used. He complained a bit about selling coal to China so we had something to agree on.

Well, it's the same end, even if it's a different path.

That's pretty much my take. He's alright. He has seen a lot, so it gets interesting to hear. Apparently icebergs are really awe inspiring, and the the Aurora Borealis lights are one of the most amazing things in the world. I wouldn't mind seeing it, actually.

Fucking cold, though.

Yeah, but why not see it? I could go with seeing some real odd things in the world. Something outside this daily grind we got.

I just ate ham for two weeks. My life is not a grind.

I'm afraid of things getting mind numbing. Some days, I think nothing. I just do my shit, I chill in front of the TV or play a video game or something after. I don't have anything to say, I don't have anything to think. I just do my thing, earn some money, make a few jokes--but some days it just feels like I'm struggling to keep up out of the water, to keep aligned with interesting things.

I think everyone deals with that.


Yeah, that's the modern life: get the fuck numb and get through it.

I'm starting to hate that.

There's a line for hating on it. Me, I just eat ham for two weeks.

That actually help?

A little, but mostly, it was damn tasty, and that means something in life as well.

(The 12 Days of Christmas was something I made up 13 days ago. I wrote each one of the day, kinda free form. Sometimes they worked, sometimes I think they didn't. Either way, I hope you enjoyed them. Have a nice end of year.)