November 21st, 2008


The New Piracy

There's been a lot of talk about piracy of late, as it's under going a certain revival.

It's come out of Somalia and is, from what I understand, the result of an increasingly lawless area that very few articles seem to want to spend a lot of time discussion. Still, regardless of this, I welcome the return. I don't want to be misquoted here, okay? I think piracy is awesome. I'm seriously thinking of changing my career, actually. The recent hijacking of a Saudi supertanker and the demand for twenty five million to be paid in ransom not only gets my entire nod of approval for proper piracy, but causes a sense of simplistic longing to form inside me. The new piracy doesn't have any of this terrorism nonsense that we've become accustomed too. None of this, 'For Allah, for Jesus, for Buddha, for freedom, for virgins,' rhetoric that runs in the back of those organisations, none of these political and ideological concerns that lend each side a greyness that makes serious discussion or reportage difficult. None of this stuff that makes ditching your job and signing up for a rocket launcher seem kind've, you know, distasteful. Oh, sure, you might want to point to the situation in Somalia, and the economic status that drives men and women to become pirates, but no matter which way you spin the causes, at the end of the day it's being done for money, and I admire that.

My hope, of course, is that these pirates give in to the full swing of pirateness when (or in this case, if), they get their money. I'm talking whores, I'm talking rum, I'm talking sodomy, I'm talking parrots. I don't think I'll be alone in my sadness if the pirates here do not spend a few weeks fucking and drinking in a town where their cash ensures that no one asks questions about their newly purchased parrots. Perhaps New York. I mean, that'd be cool: pirates head to New York, where they drink, fuck, and pass out in the streets with cages of green parrots around them. Then, when the cash begins to dwindle, they return to Somalia to plan their next act of piracy.

With any luck, these acts are not part of some flash in the pants revival of piracy, since, according to the Guardian and their unknown analysts, "the long term the key to ending piracy is establishing an effective authority on land in Somalia. Piracy all but disappeared in 2006, when the Islamic Courts Union controlled most of southern and central Somalia for six months, bringing in law and order for the first time since the early 1990s."

But I'm fairly sure such acts are a long way off.

Viva la piracy!