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January 7th, 2008

It's All About the Solution.

Okay.

Here's a game: pick an Australian cricketer who isn't punchable.


Punchable?


Yeah, like, when you see them on screen you don't think to yourself, "There's nothing wrong that a punch to the face wouldn't fix with you."

Even though they'd cane the shit out of you if you even got that close?


Even though.

Okay.


...

...


...

Wow.

There's not, like, one of them, mate. I kinda hate them all. I never realised that.

You know who's the worse?


Ricky Ponting?

Ricky Ponting.


This is the problem with the Australian team. I mean, if you go out on the street, you have to struggle to find someone who likes this team. It's not like we're not talking a team of losers here, we're talking a team that dominates the world scene, and has done for years. They are the standard and no one meets the fuck up. But--but, y'know, you walk out this door, man, you find some people on the street, mate, and there's a good chance they don't like the team personally.

It's a PR thing. They should have someone come in and remake their image as drunk, slightly overweight cricket geeks, like in the eighties.


Maybe if we write them a letter.

It'd have to be polite.


"Dear Australian Cricket,

I have noticed that your team is tremendously punchable.

I believe this incredible dislike I feel for your team is based off their smug, uncharitable nature of the people in your team. For a tidy sum, I could help this. I could make them good, laid back men who don't date women that all look the same.

Yours,

Non-Cricket Fan in Front of TV."


That's fucking genius.