August 11th, 2005


An Open Letter to an Assassin

Dear Potential Assassin,

I know that many in the assassination industry are reading this blog. I get letters from you. You send me snap shots of your work. It's very nice and I feel that warm glow when you do so. I think of you guys as my family. A silent, faceless family who kill people for money, sure, but a family nonetheless. This open letter is for you guys and gals and hermaphrodites who work in the killing industry.

As you know, Australia is a small country in the political world. The people living inside often don't think this, and occasionally think that they will be the target of world terrorist organisation, but that's just because the media over here likes that idea for the ratings. In reality, it won't happen (which is not to say an attack couldn't happen, but rather the causes for this will be internal, and stem from the way our government and society treats those from different cultures). This is because in the world, we're tiny. Until very recently, we had one soldier in Afghanistan. We have a few more in Iraq, but not much. We don't get invited to G8 summits. The Taliban laughed when they heard we attacked. If it wasn't for our cricket team, we probably wouldn't have a world presence at all, which is fine, for the most part, except of course, when America calls its bitch to heel.

And Australia is America's bitch.

On a normal day, an open letter to one such as you would call for the slaying of our Prime Minister. But lets face facts here: Who gives a shit anymore? Kill that puppet and we'll only have another puppet in place. A puppet who wants to rape the working class of its job security, who wants to shit all over Medicare and replace, bit by bit, with something that begins to resemble the American styled system of not giving health care to anyone but the rich. And on and and on this insanity goes, until, finally, we all wake up and realise we are little America.

There is no point in calling for the death of John Howard.

No point at all.

So, instead, I'm calling for the death of George W. Bush. You heard me. I'm calling for it. I'm asking politely. I'm prepared to send Christmas cards with a happy Jesus and his Giant Cock to you but that's also because I don't have much money and I can't pay you your regular fee. But you have the chance to make the world a beautiful and happy place.

Perhaps you'd like to know the reason I decided to call for this? Well, the answer is Intelligent Design. Until very recently, I hadn't even heard of it, but apparently the American President is walking around and saying, "Hey, this looks like a fine idea. Lets teach that. You know, those Taliban guys were really on to something. Wonder if I can get the wife to wear a head to toe robe that reveals nothing?" And while I hadn't heard of the term until recent, I had heard of Creationism, and this just seems like another form of it. Now, when I heard that Bush was talking about it, I laughed, and though, That shit ain't going to happen here.

But I was wrong. This is from the Age:

"The controversial theory of "intelligent design" has won the qualified backing of Education Minister Brendan Nelson, who says it should be taught in schools alongside evolution if that is the wish of parents."

"Intelligent design, which is damned by critics as a front for biblical Creationism, argues that life on Earth is too complex to have evolved purely through Darwin's theory of natural selection. Dr Nelson said yesterday he had met Campus Crusade for Christ, the Australian advocates of intelligent design, or ID, and watched their DVD presentation, called Unlocking the Mystery of Life."


"US President George Bush made global headlines last week when he endorsed ID. He said both ID and evolution should be taught "so people can understand what the debate is about". The ID debate has raged in the US for more than a decade. One critic has derided ID as "creationism in a cheap tuxedo".

"Bill Hodgson, head of Campus Crusade for Christ Australia, welcomed Dr Nelson's remarks as "fantastic", adding: "I think any reasonable and balanced approach to education has to take that view.

"This is not advocating the teaching of religion.""

Clearly, something must be done.

My solution is to assassinate George W. Bush.

I know, I know, killing the head won't kill the body of American politics, which is why I think you should kill them, too. Kill them all. Set the world free. Set so that when America speaks, it speaks with sanity, and joy, and the kind of thing that doesn't promote us all going back to age where Jesus' foreskin is a valuable commodity because it will keep us safe from the Devil. So please, kill them.

Use bullets, use knives, use poison, use whatever it is that speaks to your heart as an assassin.

I thank you for your time and I thank you in advance,


Ben Peek


The disturbing lesson about today is, despite my thought that I hadn't encountered Intelligent Design until recently, this is indeed not the case. I'd been filing it under Creationism and It's America's Problem (unlike a lot of people who aren't American on the web, I realise I'm not American, and therefor complaining about books that get banned in America and reading those books on purpose is really pointless). Which obviously isn't the best response, given how much of an influence America has, but there are only so many hours in the day and I got to spend time slicing genes and building my army of clones.

Until that day when the clones attack (or I use their kidneys to replace my own) here's something for us all to get behind

I'm all for teaching DUH
in America's schools!

Thanks to artbroken for the age link.