October 22nd, 2004


Tom Waits.

The new Tom Waits album, Real Gone, is a fine thing. Go and make your purchases.
  • Current Music
    Tom Waits - Hoist That Rag

Phones and Countries.

It must be really unsatisfying to prank call me.

A minute ago, someone prank called my mobile. Ohmygod, not a prank call. Whatever shall I do, Lois? This girl is on my phone and she is pranking me! I could have possibly swooned, but I'm a bit manly, and consider swooning before midnight to be without class.

Anyhow, apparently, I was served. I know this, because she said: "You've just been served," as if that explained it to me. Enlightment never came so fast, I tell you. But there was a defeated attitude in her voice, a realisation that serving me had gone wrong somewhere after asking me if I was Pizza Hut. I kept her on the phone for ten minutes, after all, and told her the various ways in which she was screwed.

"Are you sure you're not Pizza Hut?"

"No," I said. "Let me tell you why this sucks. Firstly, everyone knows that Pizza Hut is not a mobile number. I mean, it's just common sense. Even a monkey knows this."


"A monkey. You're smarter than a monkey, right?"


"Look, monkeys are smart. I saw this thing recently where they used tools to hunt for food. Can you use knives and forks? Well, nevermind. I'm sure you'll get it sooner or later. Mummy and Daddy might have to by those knives and forks that spastics use, but you'll get it soon enough. But my point here, is that a monkey would notice that a mobile number has more numbers than Pizza Hut."

"So you're not Pizza Hut?"


And on it went.

At the end, I told her I hoped this had been an exciting night for her, but she'd hung up on me.

In another thing worth noting, yesterday I learnt that Belarus attained independence from the USSR in 1991. Before that, I have to be honest and admit that I didn't know Belarus even existed. At any rate,my ignorance was fixed due to the fact that someone from there drifted through this livejournal, for which I am grateful.
  • Current Music
    Tom Waits - Day After Tomorrow

Leviathan Four.

Leviathan Four: Cities, edited by Forrest Aguirre, and which contains my story 'the Dreaming City' is set to be published soon. Here's the Publishers Weekly bit on it:

"Aguirre's relatively restrained fourth volume in his World Fantasy Award–winning series showcases 10 literate dark fantasy stories, which may be variously described as surreal, decadent, absurd or horrific. In perhaps the finest tale, Jay Lake's "The Soul Bottles," a wealthy man is ruined after his trade in soul bottles, which literally hold the souls of the dead, is proclaimed heretical. His son then goes through a Dickens-like fall into working-class obscurity before achieving financial success, albeit sacrificing much of his humanity along the way. Also memorable are Stepan Chapman's surreal "The Revenge of the Calico Cat," a wonderfully detailed piece set in the city where toys go after they die, and Ben Peek's "The Dreaming City," in which Mark Twain dreams of an encounter with Cadi, the aboriginal spirit of Australia's Sydney Harbour, and is moved to write a book in defense of that continent's native population. Other notable contributors include Michael Cisco, K.J. Bishop and Ursula Pflug. Although not up to the level of Leviathan 3 (2002), this solid anthology should appeal to readers of Jeff VanderMeer, China Miéville and other modern masters of the fantastic."
  • Current Music
    Thee Silver Mountain Reveries - Pretty Little Lightning Paw
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