December 5th, 2003


The Report Card Comment I'll Never Be Able To Write.

You child, _____, is irritating.

I know this might come as a shock, because you believe that things spat out of your womb are destined to change the world and succeed where he/she wants too, but for little ____, this is untrue. _____ is irritating. What is more, ____ is stupid. That he/she still cannot remember the difference between a synonym and antonym after my careful explanation week in and week out for forty weeks is either the sign of a stupidity so large and encompassing that I suggest you cut down the TV time; or it is the much more admirable sign of a child genius who has decided to play with my mind. But because _____ constantly draws boobs and penis' and animals having sex with big boobs and penis' over his/her work book, I am confident that his/her ability to use me in their evil design for class amusement is somewhat limited.

I thank you for your time.

and no, this isn't a real student. it's just that whenever i sit down to write report cards, i have this urge to write something like that. i don't know why, really, beyond the fact that i'd think it was really funny and it goes against the sheet of things to write down. and yes, there is a sheet of comments. pick the correct comment for a child--a game in itself, really.
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