April 21st, 2002


(no subject)

what is the nature of the people you know?

could you say that you know all of them, or just a fragment? probably the truth is, that you know a few fragments of them. the more you know someone, the more bits and pieces you can connect together to form the memoric string of an individual (which, perhaps, looks like that linear genetic twist, but this is only the metaphor of my design today). but i figure, you only ever know fragments, and can never fully know someone so that they cannot surprise you, or do something you won't like (or will like), and the nature of friendship means that you deal with how people are in front of you.

people are, of late, fascinated with the idea of being real. of not telling a lie, of playing everything down to that hard, undeniable truth of reality. which, of course, is a lie: you cannot know everything. when you are not looking, does the world disappear in smoke, or tumble away, like leaves swirling in the wind? how can you know what is outside your perception with any absolute certainty?

the net is a place where truth has an extra layer of importance, at least for most people. this is probably because it is so easy to lie on the net, to create a fallacy. to be discovered in the middle of this, is, of course, to be thrown out, to be given the electronic black mark.

on a bbs i frequent with my usual drop in drop out participation, and which is run by my good friend Queen O, i've been having this conversation. here is the post that made me think, hmm, that's interesting and to post it here:

you only ever get to see a fragment of a person, when you meet them. very rarely do you know every angle of a person, and indeed, it's quite rare for another to want to know everything about a person. and for every fragment of a person you meet, there is another fragment that someone else has met and who doesn't like it.

they'll say things like, 'they're fucking fake.'

or, 'he said this to me,' when clearly what was said to you was something different. (while on the same subject.) and there is, mostly, truth in both: people aren't born straight and narrow, they're born of contradictions, mixes of things, fragments, and in the end, all you can ever say about another person, is how they are in front of you.

what if you met a drag queen? do you think he is just a fellow dressed in gaudy woman clothes, or is she an ugly broad shoulder lady dressed in gaudy clothes? strip away the clothes, you got one beneath the other, but your interactions are with the surface.

there is a great big push in todays world for truth, to be true, to play it down to the bone, when it comes to human interaction. i don't know why. knowledge, perhaps. security, though one would wonder why that, since you can never be sure what someone is doing when they are out of your sight. on the other hand, it could be a simple question of insecurity, and that people don't like lies.

understand, i'm not talking about the lies that take something from you, or hurt you. if you're setting out to harm someone with the lie, or the fiction, then no, that's not going to get my support. but if you're doing it for yourself, for the internal contradiction of motives that ultimately lack malevolent motivation, then i don't see the harm. if through the lie, you are still honest, you don't go out to hurt, then how does it hurt you? if the person is not real, but has always treated you well, has always given you respect, laughs, and a way to ease the eternal drag that is life, then i ask you, what's the problem?

because you never knew?

because there was someone else behind them? does this betrayal (and why is it a betrayal?) really ruin what you had?

reality is a vague, uncertain thing. personality is a concept that we, through language and society, have designed. if something brings you enjoyment, then in my mind, this is real. if something gives your mind food, then this is enough. what lies behind it is not my business, what motivations, fears, what dark secrets in the corner of my friends minds. and, if they are anything like mine, then those darkest dark of thoughts which none of us pronounce in the daylight and in the presence of others, are there. so, i say, enjoy what people give to you, be it reality or a fractured perception there of it.

i have decided, since the topic has caught my interest, that this is one of the things i will try to factor into my project. of course, the usual disclaimer about being thrown aside later on, or not appealing to me three months from now do apply, but i like the challenge: to be able to present characters that appear fragmented throughout the narrative, and whose actions and personality change. to show the fragments of these people, just as i show the fragments of a city.

who knows how it will go.
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