Ben Peek (benpeek) wrote,
Ben Peek

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League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the Film.


what a pile of shit.

i think you'll be hard pressed to find a film this year that sucks a dog's balls as much as this film. from the nazi cameo in the beginning, mr hyde's turn to a nice guy who saves everyone, and the final scene, this film is one big long stretch of shit that will leave you wondering just how it became so bad in the first place.

it wasn't the source material. the league of extraordinary gentlemen comics are fine entertainment, a nice pulp romp with alan moore's sly sense of humour aptly conveyed through kevin o'neill's art. i like to think that james robinson, the writer who was responsible for starman and other fine comics, didn't write such an unrepentingly bad screenplay, but he probably has to take some blame. i mean, those opening scenes with quatermain and the english guy were so dreadful, so stilted, so... well, bad, that he's got to take some blame. but, robinson is responsible for giving dorian gray a position in the film, and he is probably the one totally fine quality in the film, that it's weighted out.

i guess the real problem begins with mr hyde. it's funny, but i'd long thought the days of a man running around in a bad rubber suit were long past. something i could look back at films made in the sixties, and say, hey, it was the time. well, it's a new millennium, and i suppose a few shocks can come my way, such as mr hyde portrayed in an ugly rubber suit that makes all previous rubber suit incarnations of any monster look like a masterpiece. and that doesn't even begin to tell you about the scene where mr hyde saves the league, and dr jekyll, his alter ego, tells him, 'bravo, bravo.'

yeah, this film is fucked up. seriously fucked up. a lot of this fucked up issue is tied into mr hyde, but we shouldn't overlook the fact that the film has other problems.

take tom sawyer for example.

or should i say special agent sawyer, who runs around with a shotgun, a pair of six pistols, and a jolly old saunter, because he is the spirit on the new century. yeah, you heard me. tom sawyer from 1876 is the spirit of the new century. what a well thought out idea that was.

then there's mina harker, who appears to be a vampire.

well, vampire, it's such a specific term. i mean, mina doesn't appear to suffer from any kind of blood need, or have trouble traveling on water, or anything like that. no. she just flies around, turning into bats, and sucking blood. why? well, who the fuck knows? we're told dracula, but it could've just as easily been the vampire lestat for all we're to really know.

did i mention that hyde has a giant hat? apparently hyde's headgear grows as he does. isn't that nice to know?

i could go on about this film. i could use more swear words to describe it, but that'd probably become pointless. the plot hangs around quatermain leading his fellow league men against a new evil who is, wait for it, threatening to bring a world war down, and other such nonsense. the plot really isn't important. it's stupid, but it's not fucked up like hyde's makeup is--sorry, i said i'd stop doing that. (but my god, what the fuck were people thinking? "hey, lets use this suit i found on the set of a nineteen twenties film. it'll be cool." fuck off and die.)

captain nemo is actually pretty good in the film, and the nautilus looks pretty damn cool, i've got to say, but that's it. oh, and if you're wondering why i haven't mentioned sean connery, well, here's why: you know what you get with connery, and you get it in this film. but connery was never the kind of actor who could turn shit into gold, and the film remains, without a doubt, a pile of shit.

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