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One of the hardest things with a long project is that, if you're forced to take a break from it, finding your stride later can be difficult.

I've spent the last three weeks chasing down various things that I have needed to get done for a while, the result being that I pushed the novel I'm writing to the side. Now that is finished, though, I get to return to being around fifty thousand words deep on heavy rewrites. The motivation is, to be honest, a little hard to come by, and I've engaged in the regular form of time wasting with a document file open. It'll pass. I've been doing this long enough in enough different ways that I know that it's just my mind changing gear, letting old thoughts shift around to become new ones again, and to push onwards.

Maybe it's strange to talk about a book that might not get published and it certainly feels that way, occasionally. There is very much the thought in my head that it's right to talk about what you work on when you know that it will be published, when you know there is a venue for it, but I've not that here. Some authors, now, they don't want to talk about a work while they are busy on it--you can talk a work out of yourself if you talk enough, but I talk myself into a work to a degree. A lot of how I write is very strongly tied to structures and thematics and the thoughts that often emerge aloud is what breaths life into the rest of it. But when you talk aloud about whatever you talk about, you are essentially saying, "Okay, here it is, what I plan to write and sell and if it doesn't happen...

...you'll all know."

Publishing can, at times, feel like that Japanese husband who, to save face, pulls on a suit and tie every day and pretends to go to work. I imagine that all art feels like that, occasionally.

It's unnecessary, of course, especially since publishing in general would benefit a lot from having the secrecy drawn away, but in a perfect world, no doubt we would not need publishers and agents and friends and enemies. It is far from a perfect world, however, and we would all like to look amazingly successful and on top of things.

Either way, I have to find my stride for this book, but I don't foresee it as much of a difficulty. It's coming together nicely, I think, and I like the structure I decided to use, and if I can have it all said and done within six months, that will suit me just fine. Then, of course, there will be the shuffle for a new agent, a new publisher, and while that itself fills me with about as much joy as once can expect, it'll have to be done.