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Where's My Hypocrite T-shirt?

I picked this off Warren Ellis' blog:



When I first saw this picture, I thought, 'Heh, it's a relationship joke; people found each other and now they fuck instead of wank.' Well, I was wrong. That was so not what the t-shirt was about; rather it was about how wrong masturbation was, and how you were caught to sin and the such:

Masturbation. This is the thing that many people do but don't really talk about, especially women. It's looked on as not ladylike and not pure. It's a shameful thing for many women and men alike. I struggled with masturbation for many years but this wasn't the only sexually immoral thing that I was enslaved to. I started masturbating as early as 7th or 8th grade, but overall my imprisonment to lust started as early as 4 or 5 years of age. When I was a little girl, I had a friend that I played with. Something must have happened to her because it was from playing with her that I had my first sexual experience. After this one time experience I wasn't the same and I developed homosexual tendencies as well. The seed of lust was planted and grew to maturity in my heart. I went from "humping" the floors, to sexually stimulate myself, to full on masturbation, which became my most shameful secret. The frequency to which I masturbated and the degree to which I did it was so bad that I actually ended up tearing the tissue on my clitoris. This sent me into depression for months because I thought I had mutilated myself. I had contemplated suicide because of it but I still didn't stop. The real battle began for me when I desired freedom.

...

If your dealing with this, you need to confess it to God, confess everything. God is so serious about this sin . He said " if your eye—even your good eye —causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. " ( Matthew 5:29) and in Job 31:11 its says" For lust is a shameful sin,a crime that should be punished. The heart of lust is so wicked. In Romans 3, its says that people didn't want to honor God as God. One of the firsts sins it lists after that is sexual sin. Its a form of self worhsip. Its may sound crazy but think about this, why do we watch people sin sexually or even ourselves sin sexaully? I 'd get that hot and heavy feeling from just watching myself masturbate, from sexually admiring some other part of my body, or from watching porn. . In my heart was rebelling against God because I really wanted to be God, you know, do what felt right to me. That's the heart of this sin. Please don't take this lightly. Self worshippers and sexually immoral will end up in Hell. But those that agree with God, who confess and forsake it, will have mercy.


Really, the only thing I could think here was, 'It starts off kinky, but then it loses its way.' I'm sure we all could have done with more of the porn, and the early lesbian experiences. Especially with the Bible quoting at the end. Maybe if she'd met a priest, somewhere in there, and he'd taken her to porn theatres or into the back room, perhaps the quoting would be funnier.

Do you know, you can also buy a t-shirt from these people that says 'Ex-Hyopcrite'?

It's true. They look so proud in the photos.

I think I might go watch that video of the priest who said there no Jews died in gas chambers in Nazi Germany, or perhaps look over the old news reels where the Pope brushed all the paedophilia away, or... well, one of the other many, many things that make me laugh here.

Link.

(crossposted)

Comments

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drjon
Feb. 6th, 2009 12:34 am (UTC)
What a bunch of wankers.

Sorry. Ex-wankers.
benpeek
Feb. 6th, 2009 12:35 am (UTC)
that's right. they're free now.
maenad_au
Feb. 6th, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
Oh Christ that's sad. They'll be back to their wanking addiction as soon as the God-buzz wears off in a few months. Then they'll have the CCTV God with X-ray vision to give them paranoia too.
benpeek
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
maybe they'll wear the t-shirt when they go back to it...
hani
Feb. 6th, 2009 08:29 am (UTC)
It is possible to laugh out of horror...
benpeek
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
lol
mevennen
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:14 am (UTC)
Dear God, now I really have seen everything.

Do you think it's possible to buy one that says STILL WANKING?

'Wanking and proud?'

'Current Masturbator?'

I think I'm going to shut up now.
benpeek
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
maybe you could start selling them? you could start a label called, 'counter christian t-shirts'.
darkerblogistan
Feb. 6th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
Religion is all about genital control. If they're not chopping off its skin, they're trying to control its jism.
benpeek
Feb. 6th, 2009 09:11 pm (UTC)
they should really look into storing their seeds and eggs...
brendanconnell.wordpress.com
Feb. 6th, 2009 10:09 pm (UTC)
She looks like she is not being completely honest to me.
lucius_t
Feb. 8th, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
I have a shirt that say ex-jerk off. It's not quite the same, but it's still a lie. :)
benpeek
Feb. 9th, 2009 01:15 am (UTC)
maybe you could start selling them to those christians here?
benpeek
Feb. 9th, 2009 01:15 am (UTC)
but what about him? he looks like he's just saying it to get with her, if you ask me.
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