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ALMOST WHITE RUSSIAN

2 oz Vodka
1 oz Coffee liqueur
1/2 oz semen
cream or milk
ice cubes

Pour vodka, semen and coffee liqueur over ice cubes and top up the glass with milk or cream.

MAN MADE OYSTERS

Cleaned oyster shells
Chilled fresh semen, the more the better
Ice
Lemon and pepper garnish

First clean the oyster shells in cold water. Do not use soap since the shell easily absorbs the nasty taste of soap. Spoon the chilled, fresh semen into each shell. Serve simply on ice with just a squeeze of fresh lemon and maybe a grind of black pepper.

Chef's note: A true semen connoisseur might forego the lemon and pepper in favor of the non-adulterated semen flavor.


The author, himself, says, "My name is Paul Photenhauer. My friends call me "Fotie" and you can too. I enjoy food and cooking it - especially when I add a little semen to the dishes I create. No, I'm not joking and no, I'm not some sort of whacky freak. I'm just passionate about everything I do, including cooking with cum. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy the book and the blog. I would love to hear what you have to say, so be sure to leave a comment or two!"

I think my Xmas shopping is complete now.

Thank you, Nick (My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard) Kaufmann (nick_kaufmann).

(crossposted)

Comments

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(Deleted comment)
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:29 am (UTC)
what do you think you're getting for xmas?
(Deleted comment)
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:33 am (UTC)
maybe if you claim celibacy...
(Deleted comment)
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:35 am (UTC)
if he disagrees, ask him if he likes oysters.
king_espresso
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:32 am (UTC)
I can just imagine being ushered in to dinner at this guy's place with a hearty cry of "Come one, come all."
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:33 am (UTC)
lol
ironed_orchid
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:34 am (UTC)
No, I'm not joking and no, I'm not some sort of whacky freak.

That's a matter of opinion.
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:36 am (UTC)
you got to wonder if the photos of the stuff is food he prepared himself, hey?
ironed_orchid
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
Review on Why Women Hate Men:

"Mr. Photenhauer argues that semen is simply an acquired taste. "Some tend to dismiss semen as food and describe it as bitter or salty. This is similar to a person who tastes wine for the first time and says it tastes sour." Oh whatever, you big uppity cum snob. Last time I checked, women dismissed semen as a food source because it shot piping hot out of a penis and smelled like something you'd find on your shoe after a 7 hour aquarium tour."
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:44 am (UTC)
aw.

that kind of snobbery is probably what drop myr photenhauer to homosexuality.
matthewsini.wordpress.com
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:43 am (UTC)
Hahaha!

But, you know, good source of protein. ;)
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:44 am (UTC)
lol
sonanova
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:25 am (UTC)
What happens on Lulu should stay on Lulu...I need to repost this somewhere...
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:26 am (UTC)
yes, yes you do.
sonanova
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:39 am (UTC)
...and I have. Muchos gracias.

I think.
imago1
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:27 am (UTC)
"Cum and get it!" I'll skip the cream of wheat, thanks.
nick_kaufmann
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
Have you tried the Rumpy-Pumpy Cake?
lyndarama
Dec. 2nd, 2008 03:36 am (UTC)
I'm sure a companion book on 'Meals from Menstrual Blood' is in the works as we speak. Lol.
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 06:43 am (UTC)
you know,i've heard of parents eating the placenta of their child after it's been born...
(Deleted comment)
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 06:44 am (UTC)
so.

a copy for you, then?
fearofemeralds
Dec. 2nd, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
In the interest of gastronomic discovery, Mr Peek, I think you owe it to your readers to sample the recipes you have listed here and let us all know how they taste.

And it does not count if you throw it back up straight away.
benpeek
Dec. 2nd, 2008 06:44 am (UTC)
why, you speak as if from experience...
fearofemeralds
Dec. 2nd, 2008 07:34 am (UTC)
Goodness, no. I hate the taste of raw oysters.
thumbelinablues
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC)
And as I scroll down my friends page, the next entry after this one is pgtremblay's post entitled "nom nom nom."
(Anonymous)
Jul. 26th, 2009 08:17 am (UTC)
Chefs, cooks, and food service employees have added many self-generated ingredients to food. What 'true semen connoisseurs' should note is that there is as great a range of semen flavours as that of cunt. So, while Dona Flor's tasted of "honey and pepper and ginger", there are some lovers of caviar precisely because it tastes like cunts they love. Manufacturers must think people who taste c do it under duress, and that it all tastes like sardines, so they make their stimulating products with a sophisticated bubble gum flavour to cover up while you grimace. Such could be the fate of semen if it goes value-added as a condiment. But there is cause to regulate this product because the producing beast is just as prone to milk taint, with its foul odours and flavours, as any cow. The allium family (onions and garlic), turnips, phenols, mayweed, distillers' grains, tannins from acorns, protoanemonim from buttercups, and essential oils from mint and other plants, chicken manure and offal as ingredients in animal feed--all can taint milk. Foul odours and flavours including bitterness must be kept from entering the food chain, so semen-producers (what should the beasts be called?) must be kept from grazing on shit including pizza; from drinking alcohol, tea, and coffee. From eating meats, fish, hamburgers, cajun-spiced anything, salted peanuts, sauerkraut, kabobs, kransky,and engaging in any anger-inducing activity. I would recommend a diet of blended grass, chopped apples and boiled chestnuts. Normally, a feedlot is considered the most efficient way to produce a consistent product, and to eliminate the inefficiencies that roaming brings. However, a feedlot of bulls is a dangerous thing, a feedlot of bull cooks a nightmare, and of bull chefs: impossible! Solitary confinement might be the answer, and already, a company in midwest USA is producing taller versions of their dairy-calf igloos (where young calves are weaned and kept alone) for (possibly) this purpose.

If this product is sold as a substitute for the body parts of other species, I highly recommend it. I'm sure a jigger of this is more something or other than a whole tiger pizzle.

Anna Tambour
(Anonymous)
Dec. 2nd, 2009 10:01 am (UTC)
I'd buy it.
Just need to get a supplier for constant "fresh" produce...
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