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It's All About the Solution.

Okay.

Here's a game: pick an Australian cricketer who isn't punchable.


Punchable?


Yeah, like, when you see them on screen you don't think to yourself, "There's nothing wrong that a punch to the face wouldn't fix with you."

Even though they'd cane the shit out of you if you even got that close?


Even though.

Okay.


...

...


...

Wow.

There's not, like, one of them, mate. I kinda hate them all. I never realised that.

You know who's the worse?


Ricky Ponting?

Ricky Ponting.


This is the problem with the Australian team. I mean, if you go out on the street, you have to struggle to find someone who likes this team. It's not like we're not talking a team of losers here, we're talking a team that dominates the world scene, and has done for years. They are the standard and no one meets the fuck up. But--but, y'know, you walk out this door, man, you find some people on the street, mate, and there's a good chance they don't like the team personally.

It's a PR thing. They should have someone come in and remake their image as drunk, slightly overweight cricket geeks, like in the eighties.


Maybe if we write them a letter.

It'd have to be polite.


"Dear Australian Cricket,

I have noticed that your team is tremendously punchable.

I believe this incredible dislike I feel for your team is based off their smug, uncharitable nature of the people in your team. For a tidy sum, I could help this. I could make them good, laid back men who don't date women that all look the same.

Yours,

Non-Cricket Fan in Front of TV."


That's fucking genius.


Comments

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ex_chrisbil
Jan. 7th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
You need a website with an archive of these conversations, you know.
benpeek
Jan. 7th, 2008 06:08 am (UTC)
that's what this blog is for :)
jeffsoesbe
Jan. 7th, 2008 02:17 am (UTC)
I'm more of an Aussie Rules Football man, myself. Love that sport. Can't find it here in Sacramento, California alas...

- yeff
benpeek
Jan. 7th, 2008 06:08 am (UTC)
i like cricket in the background, but that's about it. it doesn't really interest me hugely--it's just easy background noise.
jeffsoesbe
Jan. 7th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
(American) Baseball and Golf are nice background things for me if I want something on - subdued announcers, nice green fields, a certain lazy rhythm to the sounds of the game.

If something big happens then crowd cheers and you look up and they show you a rerun. Perfect.

- yeff
benpeek
Jan. 8th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
that's totally my cricket experience.

btw, man, i'm glad you liked theleeharveyoswaldband.
jeffsoesbe
Jan. 8th, 2008 08:47 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I dug the main characters (Zarina and Lee) and the voice. I also liked the split narrative (which I normally don't go for in a story), because it gave the piece a documentary-esque feel. And when the speculative element arrived, I was genuinely surprised as to what it was. So it all added up to an enjoyable read for me. Thanks!

I'm reading Polyphony 6 because I want to submit something to Polyphony 7 for consideration. I'm finding that they like work that's less "grounded" than what I usually write, and that's starting to expand my brain in new directions as to what could constitute a story. So it's good, even if I'm a bit befuddled at times...

- yeff
benpeek
Jan. 9th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
yeah, it is a bit more grounded, though that said, jay lake isn't co-editing this year, and it's forrest aguirre, and he likes his weirdness. might be worth checking out some of the books he has edited, though the deadline is coming close, so maybe not.

the book is, i think, much more mainstream styled spec fic, i think.

anyhow, thanks for the words on the story. i do that split narrative shit all the time--it's a tic i have to watch out for, but i like it. i like the bounce between the two, and i find it allows you to get a lot more into the short word count. for what it's worth.
jeffsoesbe
Jan. 9th, 2008 09:00 pm (UTC)
More weirdness! Woah - that should be interesting. I'll just submit what I submit and see what happens.

I'd agree, Polyphony and LCRW are both mainstream styled - one could easily see some of the stories appear in other more "mainstream"-esque places. Which I think speaks to how some of the genre/mainstream boundaries are breaking down. I mean, heck, Cormac McCarthy won the freaking Pulitzer for what was, in some sense, a post-zombie-apocalypse novel...

- yeff
crookfactory
Jan. 7th, 2008 06:06 am (UTC)
I think the boat's waiting to deport you.
benpeek
Jan. 7th, 2008 06:09 am (UTC)
i'm white, i can say anything i want!
mondyboy
Jan. 7th, 2008 08:46 am (UTC)
I love them all. Yes, all of them... even if Rick P is a bit of a thug.
benpeek
Jan. 7th, 2008 11:20 am (UTC)
haha. they're all thugs, man.
desultir
Jan. 8th, 2008 05:08 am (UTC)
well spoken sir
benpeek
Jan. 8th, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC)
thanks :)
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