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Some Days, I Wonder About This Job.

I walked into work this morning: first class, year six. Right. Fine. Wake up. I walk through the door and the first thing, the first fucking thing, said to me is by a girl, who is eleven, and she says, "Sir! I know what a Sixty-Nine is! My brother told me! I also know what a Tea Bag is! Do you know?"

"A Tea Bag?"

"It's when a girl sucks on a guy's balls!"

"Oh. They have a name for that now. How nice." Then, as an after thought, "It doesn't have to be a girl."

Naturally, after that calmed down, the rest of the class wanted to know what a Sixty-Nine was. So I told them to write the number, on its side. The circles are heads, I added. It was apparently that kind of day. Rest assured, your children are learning with me.


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Aug. 19th, 2006 12:06 pm (UTC)
They call you *Sir*??
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:16 pm (UTC)
i try to stop them, but they're just so indoctrinated.
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:25 pm (UTC)
At least you didn't go into explaining collective tea bagging when your pal passed out at a party. So see, you have preserved your moral integrity by holding something back.
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:26 pm (UTC)
...something you'd like to share?
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:28 pm (UTC)
Not sure if you're really asking or being sarcastic there :P
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:32 pm (UTC)
no, i think i would like to know about the story behind collective tea bagging :)
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:41 pm (UTC)
Well, you have to remember that I'm married to an ex-Navy guy. (Trust me, there is nothing like detailed explanations of the women prison brothel at Kurasao...)

Anyhow, the practice is relatively wide-spread, especially on the West coast. When one of the partiers passes out, the rest of the guys take turns dipping their balls in the mouth or on his face, or what have you.

Considering the party climate of all the exotic places the Navy travels to, tea bagging is really the least thing that can happen to you when you pass out. That is why you will never see US Navy sailors go out drinking by themselves. They travel in packs, so if one passed out, the others will keep an eye on him and at least get him back to the ship. Sometimes stuffed into a shopping cart for convenient transportation.

PS. Tailhook report, btw, is available and the official transcripts go into hreat detail. I think there was tea bagging there, but I don't 100% remember. I know sharking and ballwalking was done for sure.
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:45 pm (UTC)
my life is just really boring, isn't it?
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:47 pm (UTC)
Most people's life is really boring. Example: I work, I do house work, I do Mom thing, and live for the weekends, when my husband and I can hang out.

That's why we write fiction :))
Aug. 19th, 2006 12:50 pm (UTC)
maybe i should take up doing the mum thing ;)
Aug. 20th, 2006 08:57 am (UTC)
Only because

a. You aren't serving in the Navy (and Navies seem to be the same the world over. Some of the stories I've heard from submariners... {shudder}), or;

b. You aren't married to someone serving in the Navy.
Aug. 20th, 2006 10:13 am (UTC)
...stories from submariners?
Aug. 21st, 2006 05:47 am (UTC)
They're the worst of the lot. I think it comes from spending too much time in confined spaces under water.

For example... on shore leave in certain SE Asian ports, they'll go hit certain pubs and sit at certain tables, where ladies-of-the-night occupy the underneath.

Then they all toss a few bucks into a pot. The first one to correctly guess which one of their mates is getting a blow job wins the pot.
Aug. 21st, 2006 06:23 am (UTC)
well. it really seems like being in the navy is a lot more fun than those commercials make it out to seem...
Aug. 21st, 2006 07:44 am (UTC)
Yeah. Lots of fun. A friend of mine, new to the navy, went out drinking on his first leave in a foreign port. He went with some mates, thinking they'd watch his back.

He woke up the next morning back on ship with a terrible hangover and a condom hanging out an orifice he'd never thought he'd find a condom.

It took him weeks before he got the real story out of his mates.
Aug. 19th, 2006 02:07 pm (UTC)
'Sharking'? 'Ballwalking'? Am I just not getting out enough, or are these Americanisms?

I'm sure I'll regret asking for explanations...
Aug. 19th, 2006 04:19 pm (UTC)
I'll let Gordon field this one.

Howdy Ya'll, I am Gordon, Ilona's husband. I feel qualified to explain this for two reasons: one, I was in the Navy during the time period that Tailhook occurred, and two, I wrote a scholarly paper on the event during my time at University. TailHook was a convention for Naval and Marine aviators. It takes its name from a bar in Subic Bay Philippines. This bar was very popular during the Vietnam war with Navy and Marine pilots on leave or a short pass from the War. They generally got very drunk and stupid. They even made a simulated plane from an old oil can and would launch it through the doors of the bar. If the "pilot" did not catch the "tailhook" in time, the plane would fly out into the street into a pile of shit and mud.

After the war they started having an annual Tailhook convention in Las Vegas. The convention was notorious within the Navy and Marines as a time of general debauchery with little or no accountability for conduct that would generally be considered unbecoming of an officer. Let me make this perfectly clear: this was an officer shindig not an enlisted function.

Fast-forward to 1991. A female admiral's aid was sexually and physically assaulted at this event; specifically in the "Gauntlet." In the Gauntlet, the officers would line both sides of a long narrow hallway, while an other officer was sent to lure prey into the trap. When the woman or man entered the gauntlet they would be physically and sexually assualted, ie punched and groped. Well, she complained to her boss. There was an official Naval investigation which covered it all up, and then a Department of Defense investigation that uncovered the sordid goings on.

These included the now infamous Ballwalking and Sharking. Ballwalking is simply unzipping your trousers and walking around with your testicles exposed. That's it. I am not sure the purpose of it. Sharking is a bit different as it involves actually biting someone, again male or female very hard on the buttocks and clinging tenaciously as they try to shake you off. There were also drink dispenser in a shape of a knight and a giant rhino phallus. Free public shaving was offered, lots of drinking, lots of hookers, etc. Anyhow, the whole thing is now available to general public as a DOD report.
Aug. 20th, 2006 05:41 am (UTC)
Yes. Very sorry I asked. Is the DOD report available as an I-Movie? I'd so love to see the after-party pics :-)

Thanks for the explanation. It was educational.
Aug. 20th, 2006 10:38 am (UTC)
i am learning way too much about the navy.
Aug. 19th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Mr Peek - you have kept this former teacher laughing all afternoon.
Aug. 20th, 2006 06:58 am (UTC)
i'm here all week ;)
Aug. 20th, 2006 10:29 am (UTC)
I learnt something. Out of the mouths of babes....
Aug. 20th, 2006 10:38 am (UTC)
a lot of people are learning, from what i understand ;)
Aug. 20th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC)
I think I had a very sheltered upbringing, at 11 I was just getting into the "perhaps boys aren't so yucky after all" phase.

I'm stunned.
Aug. 21st, 2006 06:20 am (UTC)
kids learn quick these days, but we adults are still playing catchup ;)
Aug. 22nd, 2006 05:25 pm (UTC)
if they ever tell you about a "Senor Sanchez," then you'll know you're in over your head.

Aug. 23rd, 2006 12:55 am (UTC)
Re: babes
well, google couldn't tell me what that was. time to share, man. i don't want to be left behind by the eleven year olds.
Aug. 23rd, 2006 04:31 am (UTC)
It'll have to be on email, man. It's too filthy. This friend of mine, who hooked for a while in NYC, told me what it was. I'd never heard of it either. So send me an email.

Aug. 23rd, 2006 04:41 am (UTC)
Re: Senor
yeah, okay. i've not got your addy, tho. if you toss it here i'll delete the entry--or you can just email it to benpeek@livejournal.com
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 23rd, 2006 12:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Ok you can delete
well, i would never have guessed that. i should leave this here for everyone ;)
Aug. 23rd, 2006 12:39 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah....
purpose being to simulate a mustache
Aug. 23rd, 2006 12:59 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh yeah....
you know, man, the more you think about it, the more weird it gets. but then that scat shit just leaves me cold...
Aug. 23rd, 2006 01:17 pm (UTC)
...I just looked at her and said, Wow, guys are into that, for real. She said that among certain circles it was considered a crowning experiemce.
Aug. 23rd, 2006 01:22 pm (UTC)
Re: yup...
well, i'm thinking i might be glad not to be part of those circles.
Aug. 23rd, 2006 01:23 pm (UTC)
Re: yup...
though it's not really that far removed from facials... hey, you know, i gotta stop thinking bout this...
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