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1. Saying that you're "Good looking, for a writer," is somewhat like saying, "Yeah, he/she is not bad looking for someone who was horribly burnt in that explosion on the oil refinery last year. Shame about the missing legs."

2. No one cares about you or your fiction. Do as you please.

3. Being an author is not a good way to meet women. Meeting men, however, is very easy, especially if you're a woman, but also if you're a man.

4. More money usually means you're in a better quality of publication, but not always.

5. If you want to make a living out of writing, this will often mean writing a lot and writing quickly. You will not be able to linger, to nurse, to polish, to think. Think about the authors you read who write one or two books a year, and have been doing it for twenty odd years. We've all got a couple we read. It's comfort fiction. Now, ask yourself how many of their books felt rushed, ill thought out, and filled with repetitive characters and scenarios. Then compare them to the good ones they've written.

6. If you don't want to make a living out of writing, you can write at any old pace. People are not obliged to remember you, however, and most will not. Obscure brilliance will win you nothing.

7. Opportunities exist for you to do something different. Don't squander them doing the same old shit.

8. Your friends will eventually become tired of buying your work. It's best to tell them, from the start, that they're not required to buy it, read it, or even pay attention to it. This way you will receive their unconditional support, though they will not, in most cases, buy it, read, or talk to you about it. You will be quite happy with this.

9. You will never be cool as a writer. If asked, lie, and say you're on the dole, and scamming a pension with your crooked doctor, who, by the way, isn't a writer either.

10. People will apply labels for you. If you're lucky, it won't be, "She/he's good looking, for a writer."


* Totally inspired by matociquala's 'Ten Things I Have Learned From Writing Popular Fiction'. Think of it as a meme. Do your own.

Comments

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shadowsandice
Mar. 23rd, 2006 01:27 am (UTC)
I like her advice better. There are more things blowing up. ;p
benpeek
Mar. 23rd, 2006 03:28 am (UTC)
i blow stuff up.
jaylake
Mar. 23rd, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
You rock
benpeek
Mar. 23rd, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)
:)
deadcities_icon
Mar. 23rd, 2006 04:39 am (UTC)
Ben, you're pretty funny, for a writer.

benpeek
Mar. 23rd, 2006 09:39 am (UTC)
for a moment there, i thought you were saying i was pretty, for a writer...
coppervale
Mar. 23rd, 2006 04:43 am (UTC)
My indirect response to the above is the newest post on my own journal, and I dedicate it to you, Ben.

(And yes, it is very egocentric, arrogant, and self-secure - but I DO have a reputation to maintain...)

James
benpeek
Mar. 23rd, 2006 09:42 am (UTC)
...you just called yourself a leviathan, didn't you?

;)
artbroken
Mar. 23rd, 2006 09:41 am (UTC)
Fuck you, I'm goddamn gorgeous.
benpeek
Mar. 23rd, 2006 09:43 am (UTC)
you look a little like ron perlman. anyone ever said that?
artbroken
Mar. 23rd, 2006 09:50 am (UTC)
One day I'm gonna come to Sydney for some reason, and I will bury you.
benpeek
Mar. 23rd, 2006 09:52 am (UTC)
dude, there's a line for that.
ashamel
Mar. 23rd, 2006 11:54 am (UTC)
Excellent list.

(Um, that's it, really.)
benpeek
Mar. 24th, 2006 02:02 am (UTC)
:)
ashamel
Mar. 24th, 2006 02:23 am (UTC)
I did meet a woman once, but I can't imagine it was because of my looks. I blame writing.
benpeek
Mar. 24th, 2006 10:21 am (UTC)
yeah, but where did it end you, with that woman? to riches? to living on the moon? i think not.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 24th, 2006 11:44 am (UTC)
The was some sort of moon involved, I'm pretty sure, but details are starting to blur.
matociquala
Mar. 24th, 2006 03:14 pm (UTC)
Your friends will eventually become tired of buying your work. It's best to tell them, from the start, that they're not required to buy it, read it, or even pay attention to it. This way you will receive their unconditional support, though they will not, in most cases, buy it, read, or talk to you about it. You will be quite happy with this.

Amen.
benpeek
Mar. 27th, 2006 04:06 am (UTC)
i have decided that this ten things thing has gotten out of hand. so i'm now switching to blaming you :P
frydgreenvelvet
Mar. 27th, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)
Obscure brilliance will win you nothing.

That's just rubbish. A more specific "nothing", sure, but not nothing.
benpeek
Mar. 27th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC)
oh please. the whole thing isn't very serious.
frydgreenvelvet
Mar. 27th, 2006 04:01 am (UTC)
Well, what is it then?
benpeek
Mar. 27th, 2006 04:05 am (UTC)
it's just a blog post done for amusement. i mean, come on, half the points are about how ugly writers are. how can you even take that seriously. some people might see something they recognise in it, but who cares. it's just a bit of fun.
frydgreenvelvet
Mar. 27th, 2006 04:12 am (UTC)
Yeah, ok, some seem more serious than others.. but I don't really know why you assumed I was dead straight in that comment. And you seem pretty condescending in your replies, but that could just be internet-warping.

But even past all that.. you've never replied to a "bit of fun" with an answer in a similar vein?
benpeek
Mar. 27th, 2006 04:15 am (UTC)
take a look at your first reply, man. maybe it was a misunderstanding, but it came off like you were serious. the word rubbish, the lack of smileys, the fact i've no idea who you are... so if not, no foul, sorry for the tone.
(Anonymous)
Apr. 1st, 2006 10:56 am (UTC)
Obscure brilliance will win you a nylon plush Doraemon and 3 pairs of 99-baht pantyhose.

K.J. Bishop
(living in obscurity in Bangkok)
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