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Virgin Speak (Overheard in Sydney)

Find anyone living in Sydney and ask them about CityRail, and they'll just bitch at you. This is because, for reasons that aren't quite clear, CityRail appears to be run by a midget fucked up on cocaine who maps out station stops and, if you believe them, pisses into the boots of train drivers before they get out of bed. There must be some truth to this, because since I've been coming to the Office for the last month, the ten o'clock train that I usually catch has not shown up on time once. Not once, I tell you. Today it was ten minutes late, yesterday eight, and the time before that it was simply canceled.

I'd give up on trains if petrol wasn't so much and I didn't overhear the best conversations on them. Today was so good that I've decided to make an entry out of it, something akin to that brilliant Overheard in New York site. The incident I'm talking about happened shortly after I got on the train, when two blond haired guys around the age of nineteen get on at the next stop, sit behind me, and start discussing what they are reading. One of them has a Philosophy book, the other one the final Hitchhiker's book. After that, Hitchhiker says, "Have you seen the new Star Wars film?"

"Yeah," replies Philosophy. "The acting was shit, but the characters were okay."

"Did you see what they did to Anakin? I felt sorry for him."

"But he killed all those kids!"

"They chopped off his legs--how's he going to fuck now?!"

It took all my restrain not to turn around and educate them, but I was aided in this by the fact that they kept talking about drinking, music, bad karaoke, getting stoned, and being up in Woolongong for all of it. The best part, however, came at the end when we stopped at the station where one of them had to get off, and they parted, saying, "Later, and may God be with you."

Comments

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angriest
May. 26th, 2005 02:17 am (UTC)
Damn that's the funniest thing I've read this morning.
benpeek
May. 26th, 2005 02:35 am (UTC)
it was pretty funny at the time. they were so earnest with that final parting. i think they might have been hugging (though probably shaking hands).
bodhichitta0
May. 26th, 2005 10:56 am (UTC)
Funny. But they're right--it could have been burned off. You just don't know.
benpeek
May. 26th, 2005 12:01 pm (UTC)
yeah, but they way they said it sounded as if he couldn't fuck cause of his lost legs.

plus, you know, 'god be with you'.
simplykathryn
May. 26th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
My husband sent me this yesterday, but it fits so perfectly with your story I had to share...

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."
benpeek
May. 27th, 2005 01:04 am (UTC)
i know christians like that.
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