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10 Things I've Learnt From Lost.

1) When I board a plane in Sydney, I want at least one doctor on the plane. A medical doctor, I might add. People will get sick and injured and those Arts faculty doctors are useless with a scalpel. I speak from experience.

2) I also want a hunter. No boarding the plane until a great white hunter with a suitcase full of knives is seated. Wheelchair optional.

3) You know the batteries the fat guy has for his discman? NASA designed them and I want them whenever I travel.

4) As an Australian leaving the largest Australian city, I can expect to not survive the plane crash unless I'm ridiculously attractive and unrealistically pregnant. Which, lets face it, if I was pregnant, would be the description.

5) Before boarding the plane, I will make sure the ex-Iraqi soldier is super nice and speaks perfect English with a faint British accent. Is it British even? Well, I'd be willing to skip the accent. But super nice Iraqis only need board the plane with me. I want them to get along with all the Americans, after all. It's important to be nice to your invaders.

6) I will not say, "Shit, you're one of the Hobbits! Sam and Frodo should've fucked!"

7) Redneck Americans are, apparently, unavoidable in every situation.

8) Beautiful women who are being dragged back in shackles to the States for unknown crimes will be as sweet as pie and, most likely, victims of circumstance that forced them to steal, fuck, and kill.

9) Try not to bring up the big, mysterious people eating monsters and the problem they represent. It might distress people. Keep your secrets to yourself.

10) Finally, I will not say, "Has anyone seen Alive?"

Comments

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deborahb
Mar. 10th, 2005 11:21 pm (UTC)
3) Solar panel! I'm betting they make solar-powered walkmen now, & I so want one before I next fly.

LOST is being slaughtered by the ads. It is way better when someone lends you the tapes to the first 14 episodes & you can watch them all at once.
benpeek
Mar. 10th, 2005 11:27 pm (UTC)
i think the problem with lost is that not much happens in every episode. i mean, what was last night about? finding out that the asian girl could speak english and didn't like her husband? i figured the last part out a couple of episodes back (well, episode one), and the commercial told me the first part before it even started. didn't have to wait thirty minutes for the surprise.

solar powered walkman would be cool.
buymeaclue
Mar. 11th, 2005 12:19 am (UTC)
The batteries actually ran out at the end of last week's episode. (Last night's was a rerun.) Which is still unrealistically too long, but hey.

The guy playing Sayid is indeed British.
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:03 am (UTC)
my take was that batteries would run out when it was that guy's turn to be the centre character of an episode.

i've seen the guy playing sayid in other stuff. i'm not sure, but i think it might have been THE ENGLISH PATIENT.
ironed_orchid
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:36 am (UTC)
Nicely spotted. And there I was thinking of him as the jealous Raj in 'Karma Sutra'
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:40 am (UTC)
my years as a projectionist have left me with many burdens. i also remember him in TRUE LOVE AND CHAOS.
ironed_orchid
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:49 am (UTC)
Where I remember True Love and Chaos as the not particularly good aussie movie that seems to want to cash in on having a title which is remarkably similar to Love, and Other Catastrophes.

By the way, what has Ben Mendleson done lately? Any ideas?
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 04:08 am (UTC)
TRUE LOVE AND CHOAS was more road movie than the other, and naveen wasn't too bad, and there was miranda otto. the film was a bit of a dog, though, you are right about that. LOVE AND OTHER CATASTROPHES gave us francis o'connor, i think, but that was a bit of a shit film too.

both gave out in that mini boom of small independent films. there was a bunch of road films like TRUE LOVE AND CHOAS, such as HEAVEN'S BURNING and KISS OR KILL, which had francis o'conner in it, i think. i didn't mind that. it had this excellent opening.

i've no idea what happened to mendleson. he probably faded away due to bad film choices like IDIOT BOX and COSI.
ironed_orchid
Mar. 11th, 2005 04:16 am (UTC)
i've no idea what happened to mendleson. he probably faded away due to bad film choices like IDIOT BOX and COSI.

I remember a lot of people raving about Idiot Box when it came out.

I guess he's getting too old to play the young rebelious character anymore.

benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 04:40 am (UTC)
it was set in the area of sydney that i live, and was somewhat... stupid, insulting, bad? pick a choice. still, despite that (and i heard some of the raves, too) i seem to remember it didn't do much in the box office, which is where it counts.

the same stupidity was in TWO HANDS, btw, which was an even worse film, but it made chunks of cash. hence why gregor jordan, who hasn't made a film that makes narrative sense yet, is still making films.
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:42 am (UTC)
heh. i love this quote:

"The older I get, the more I'm prepared to do things for the money."
buymeaclue
Mar. 11th, 2005 04:06 am (UTC)
my take was that batteries would run out when it was that guy's turn to be the centre character of an episode.

At the verrry end of the episode just before that'un. So: yes.

(It occurs to me that your last-night's episode may not have been the same as ours. If so...sorry!)
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 04:10 am (UTC)
no, it's not. but that's okay, i'm not insane like some people with spoilers. it's just a tv show, y'know.
buymeaclue
Mar. 11th, 2005 12:19 am (UTC)
Also, re: point 10: Hee!
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:03 am (UTC)
:)
ironed_orchid
Mar. 11th, 2005 02:26 am (UTC)
Point 4: Well, we all know that aussies all live in the outback and have no desire to travel overseas unless it's on a parent funded gap year where they will proceed straight to Earls Court and drink steadily until they return home to regale their compatriots with their new found sophistication.

And points 6, 9, and 10 are my favourites.
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:04 am (UTC)
man, i *knew* there was a reason why i wasn't traveling!
shadowsandice
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:30 am (UTC)
I stopped watching when I realised they were never going to mention the fucking polar bear again.

Seriously dude.

Polar bear.
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:35 am (UTC)
actually, they mention the polar bear all the time. usually in hushed voices, 'didn't you guys kill a polar bear?'

'yes.'

and that somehow explains that things are unexplainable. like your parents saying, 'if he jumped off a bridge, would you?' to point out that something is stupid.
shadowsandice
Mar. 11th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)
I've never heard them mention the polar bear. You're telling whoopers. Fibs and lies. There is no polar bear goodness.
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 03:36 am (UTC)
i forgot to add that the polar bear also works int he same ways as the bridge, by pointing out something stupid.
benpeek
Mar. 11th, 2005 04:09 am (UTC)
nope, i tell only truth. last night, they found some dead bodies in a cave, and the pretty victim criminal girl said, 'how did these get here?'

'you killed a polar bear, right?' said the doctor.
shadowsandice
Mar. 11th, 2005 06:23 am (UTC)
Huh.

Okay, so I'll start watching again, and then the polar bear will disappear. Again. Every episode I watch - no polar bear.
bodhichitta0
Mar. 11th, 2005 06:25 pm (UTC)
I don't know where you guys are at in the season but another polar bear (or a reincarnated polar bear?) makes another appearance. In the back story of Mercutio. I mean, Michael. I think.
benpeek
Mar. 12th, 2005 05:11 am (UTC)
well, as you see, the polar bear comes back again.

i'm only watching it cause deb promises me that it gets better. that, and you know, it's the only tv show i'm watching at the moment. but still.
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