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What December 30th is Not.

On the 30th of December, this livejournal will not be supporting Talk Like Fucking Gollum Day.

In fact, this livejournal will be enjoying a Lets Ridicule Tolkien Day. Instead of trying to force a committee to give Andy Serkis an award for jumping round like a monkey in a suit and then being remade digitally with big come fuck me anime eyes (which is what the original day is in support of), I will sit here and look down upon those who are by making fun of Tolkien. I will do this because I am an unpleasant man who boils children and, most importantly, dislikes Tolkien immensely.*

So, if like me, you dread the white noise chatter of a thousand and one bad Gollum impersonations, feel free to join me in making fun at the Tolkien sacred cow.




* I have nothing against the film, so I will not be sitting around and ridiculing it.

However, I would like to point out that Andy Serkis as the digitally painted Gollum was really kind of annoying. I mean, how many times did I have to watch 'Oh look, Gollum is bad. No, he's good. No, he's against us. No, I good, no, I bad...' That shit got real tired real fucking quickly.

Comments

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strangedave
Dec. 21st, 2004 06:27 pm (UTC)
And here was I thinking the point of Talk Like Gollum Day WAS to make fun of Tolkien. I mean, maybe some Tolkien fans might think it has some point, but it makes as much sense as Talk Like A Pirate Day being in support of piracy.
benpeek
Dec. 21st, 2004 06:29 pm (UTC)
well, sure, probably... but it's not making fun of tolkien in a way that i can enjoy it.

guess i'm just selfish, really.
kateorman
Dec. 21st, 2004 07:57 pm (UTC)
It's funny you should say that, as I was just wondering whether Gollum would participate in Talk Like a Pirate Day (or indeed vice versa). (Here via ashamel - hi Ben!)
benpeek
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:05 pm (UTC)
hello miss kate. i didn't know you had a livejournal.
ashamel
Dec. 22nd, 2004 08:45 pm (UTC)
It's nice my randomness has achieved something useful.

Mainly I wanted to complain about RotK, but I think complaining for the sake of it is somewhat pointless. Hence, I jumped at the excuse.
benpeek
Dec. 22nd, 2004 11:51 pm (UTC)
livejournal is made for complaining :)
ironed_orchid
Dec. 21st, 2004 07:02 pm (UTC)
The attraction of talking like gollum is that in every other sentence one should mention how much one hates hobbits. And I really, really hate hobbits. I hate the hobbits in the film even more than the hobbits in the book. Because the book at least had the decency not keep dwelling on the fact that the hobbits had big blue eyes always on the verge of watering. Bah.
benpeek
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:07 pm (UTC)
no, no, i hate the hobbits in the book. so much hobbitness. but it's only a mild difference, and my dislike of sean astin and sam is pretty damn large.

but i won't speak like gollum as i say this. gollum, after all, is a hobbit.
ironed_orchid
Dec. 21st, 2004 11:52 pm (UTC)
and aren't able to anticipate

A good point, but then I am a human and that hasn't stopped me hating humans on occasion.
benpeek
Dec. 22nd, 2004 02:10 am (UTC)
no. humans are scum.
bodhichitta0
Dec. 21st, 2004 07:05 pm (UTC)
The day I make a livejournal post talking like Gollum will be... never. :-)
benpeek
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:08 pm (UTC)
sing it sister.
bodhichitta0
Dec. 22nd, 2004 06:11 am (UTC)
I thought the movies were beautifully done but I um, didn't come away with an urge to talk like Gollum. And I will not in any way be talking like Gollum at any point in time. Nor will I be talking like a pirate (except perhaps in pretend play with my children if they so desire). I will talk (and my livejournal will remain on December 30th) with the same Midwestern twang that it always has. ;-)
future_conduit
Dec. 22nd, 2004 01:25 am (UTC)
Bad Gollum impersonators should be locked in dark wet caves
what was with that ad for that particular brand of fried chicken? y'know the one where that guy was in the theater (presumably watching lord of the rings) and started refering to his popcorn chicken as his precious.
that was just fucked up. even more so, it was done badly. really badly. and on national television.

if i ever find out where that guy lives i'm going to break into his car and stitch a dead fish under the lining of his back seat.
benpeek
Dec. 22nd, 2004 02:10 am (UTC)
Re: Bad Gollum impersonators should be locked in dark wet caves
so, i take it you're with me on the 'no, i won't be speaking like gollum on the 30th?' decision?
future_conduit
Dec. 22nd, 2004 05:30 am (UTC)
Re: Bad Gollum impersonators should be locked in dark wet caves
to be honest, i can do a strikingly good Gollum impersonation. and you really should hear my evil Elmo some time. but no, i don't see any point in dedicating a day to writing in gollum speak. even if i wanted to, i'd probably forget what day it was anyhow.

imitating stuff can be funny at first. then if one perservers, it hits the point of hysteric delerium. then after that it just isn't funny but out-right annoying.

for what it's worth, i prefer the voice of Gollum on the lord of the rings audio casettes (which there are about 14 of in the series).
benpeek
Dec. 22nd, 2004 06:11 pm (UTC)
Re: Bad Gollum impersonators should be locked in dark wet caves
you're kinda losing the whole anti-tolkien-gollum-thing here...
future_conduit
Dec. 23rd, 2004 02:31 am (UTC)
meh.
The whole lord of the rings thing managed to pass me by while i wasn't looking.
i didn't know the books existed untill midway thru highschool and didn't even get around to reading any of them untill a few years ago (because people kept telling me that i really must read the hobbit) I didn't mind it when i eventually did.
i've seen the first film twice (both times on 15 inch TV's) and haven't got around to watching the other two yet.

the thing is, i try not to form opinions about things i know little about. I'm not Pro or anti Tolkien. I am in ignorance of all things Tolkien.

i prefer the tzolkin.

if people want to speak gollum, then good luck to them. it's a free country. just don't do it badly & don't expect me to be impressed by it.
mariness
Dec. 22nd, 2004 10:00 am (UTC)
My god, I miss ALL the important holidays, don't I?

Next you're going to tell me that December 20th was Dream of a Threesome with Aragorn and Eowyn Day and I missed that too.

benpeek
Dec. 22nd, 2004 06:09 pm (UTC)
if it was, i missed it as well. i guess it ain't that bad a thing, really.
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