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The Personal 2004 In Review. No, Seriously.

A break in the regular scheme of things I liked to talk about this year, since I'm sure you're all dying to know. Consider this a snap shot into my life.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?

Murdered 2, 694 people in what can only be described as the tragic application of safety labels. Also, I went to a science fiction convention.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I had New Years Resolutions? Shit. Well. Um. Yeah, look, I'm still alive, right? That's got to count for something. Look at all those poor cunts that got involved in the War on Terror. I bet they weren't sitting round thinking, "This year, I'll get involved in my Governments unjust war and have my fucking brains blown out."

So, I'm alive, and many people who died throughout the year, are not. Chalk that as a resolution success.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Ew. Thank fuck, No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Many, many people died this year. Who wrote this shit? Someone is bound to get offended! I mean, think of all those poor fundamental Christians? Why you gotta bring this shit up, you callous bastard? I mean, now I'm thinking about them in the cold, cold ground, wondering when the fuck Jesus is going to show... I keep thinking I should dig 'em, but fuck, I hated those cunts.

Control of the senate my ass.

5. What countries did you visit?

Some middle class cunt wrote this list, didn't they?

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

Eskimo sex.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I tell you, I tell you, the day that remains etched in my memory is June 12th. If someone tells you that it's all right to hit a Policeman... you tell them they're wrong.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Countless things, but right at the top is the reappropriation of the word cunt in my every day language. Changed my life. I teach it, now. The power of the word cunt. Go on, give it a try. Sound it out. Take it back. Don't let them those conservative cunts dictate what words you can and can't use.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I went to a science fiction convention...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Well, not, you know, on my body. If you rephrase that question, however.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Ipod. I can't even think of a funny substitute.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Well, mine, of course. I give so much.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Everyone.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Food, you middle class cunt. Food, clothing, the necessities... oh, my ipod. Lets not forget that. Best thing I bought all year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Fuck, that sounds like a lot of effort.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?

I'll be doing a list, but until then, Green Day's 'American Idiot'. Mainly, however, cause I'm trying to pollute studebakerhawk's mind and force him into buying it, even though he knows it's wrong. I'm that kind of dirty little influence.

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:

Kinder.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Pointing out how the world is shit, and I'm right, and you're all going to hell because you don't listen to me.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Being open minded. Fucking stupid idea that was.

20. Did you fall in love in 2004?

What cunt wrote these questions? I'm running out of witty things to cover the emptiness of my life.

21. How many one-night stands?

365.

Every morning I woke up, I told myself, this is the last time I deal with you.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Well, it wasn't Australian Idol and it's token fat chick vote, I tell you that.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don't think this entry is big enough.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:

If you don't like something, take a knife to it.


And yes, I did cut this down. Originally it was 39 fucking questions. Oh well. Most of the ones I cut will be covered in other entries, and the ones that won't... well, who cares? There's a limit to how long you can be witty. I passed it after the first entry, and made you suffer for another 23.

I'm just a cunt, really.

Comments

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artbroken
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:34 pm (UTC)
'Cunt' is good. It's a word with resonance, and I'm always sad to see otherwise happily-foul-mouthed people get all moist and hesitant about using it.
bodhichitta0
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:02 pm (UTC)
But I still you have to admit, the word oozing in front of it adds even more resonance. Or dirty or smelly. I think Ben's just scared of adjectives. :-p
benpeek
Dec. 13th, 2004 07:36 pm (UTC)
i'm just trying not to overwrite, is all.
bodhichitta0
Dec. 13th, 2004 06:03 pm (UTC)
Nevermind the typo. Oy. I should never get on the computer past 9:00 p.m.
benpeek
Dec. 13th, 2004 07:34 pm (UTC)
just a bunch of weak cunts, really.
bodhichitta0
Dec. 14th, 2004 06:48 am (UTC)
See, much better with a modifier! ;-)
call_me_robert
Dec. 14th, 2004 10:27 am (UTC)
I found it witty well beyond the first answer...except for your excessive use of...that word. I found that jarring and unsettling, and it made me downright uncomfortable, so I read it a few more times. Just to make sure I wasn't seeing some freudian typo or something. Eeesh. Shivers. I need to go take a shower now, to wash off the filth of that word...
benpeek
Dec. 14th, 2004 03:12 pm (UTC)
remember, you've got to stop scrubbing when blood appears.
punkrocker1991
Dec. 14th, 2004 03:28 pm (UTC)
too much coffee agian this morning, Ben?
benpeek
Dec. 14th, 2004 03:32 pm (UTC)
are you kidding, i'm all relaxed and laid back and not thinking of anything until january. which, you know, probably explains it.
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