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It's a Hate Thing.

i hate ian thorpe.

i feel good just saying those four words. i hate ian thorpe. it could be a mantra for me when i get older, and am in need of way to find my calm and gooey centre. i hate ian thorpe. the only thing i hate more than ian thorpe himself, is the nickname that is splashed across signs when he appears: 'thorpedo'. a little seed of hate has found its way into the organs of my emotions and fastened themselves onto me that the very mention of the word thorpedo will result in a nasty patch of bile exploding from my mouth. my only joy when that word appears is in making cheap jokes about how the name reveals his fascination with little boys and girls (pedo) and how he likes to dress up around them (thor). it's really quite surprising how many variations on the topic of being a child fucker that i can come up with.

(yes, this is one of those entries in which offensive things are said. somewhere i did a rating of this journal, and it came up NC 17, and this is one of those moments.)

there are readers of this livejournal that are outside australia, and its entirely possible that they've never heard of ian thorpe.

i envy you.

thorpe is, basically, a twenty one year old swimmer... except, obviously, when i say that he's a swimmer, i'm leaving out his fame, fortune, and designer underwear. i do this because swimming is not a skill that lends itself to my interest and swimming quicker than anyone else does not gain my admiration, but mostly i do this because i hate ian thorpe and want to belittle him whenever i get the chance. this shouldn't be surprising, since i am prone to telling little children that they should beware of grown men who say they have a 'thorpedo' for them.

there are people who say, 'oh, ben, how can you hate thorpedo, he's just great--look at how he won all those races!' because they believe (for some unknown reason) that this simple sentence will somehow convince me of thorpe's greatness. it won't. unless thorpe reaches behind his head and rips off his face al la scooby doo to reveal an entirely different person, this will not change. likely, it won't change then, either. i'm that kind of person.

thorpe's public persona is one of those milk and cookies, mum and pa loveable home country boy types. i hate that for simply being that, but i hate it even more when thorpe appear on tv shows to save 'poor, ordinary australians' from whatever middle class hell they've fallen into. that show, btw, was some sort of charlie's rip off show, where thorpe had three good looking girls that went out and did good deeds for people. i never watched it. i'm sure it was shit--how am i sure? well, it was thorpe and three good looking girls going out to help the poor and needy. i think that says more than enough about its shitness. it was mega shit. it was a big fucking waste of time and giant public relations thing for thorpe... but anyhow, i often wondered, when i saw a commercial for the show, if thorpe would give the poor and needy his designer underwear (starting at $40, give or take) or if he'd chuck them a bit of the millions he had from doing nike commercials or modeling or having his hair highlighted in a subtle, but ultimately fashionable way.

probably not. milk and cookies will go only so far, after all.

and yes, i hate him for all these things. i hate him for these things because this is what the world gave him for swimming fast.

swimming fast. what the fuck is that, anyway? is anyone beyond me thinking it's kind of insane that you could make millions of dollars and become a household name because you swam fast? come on: a serial killer gives you more than this. swimming. what a load of fucking idiocy.

'oh, it's so good, you swam faster than anyone else, ian. without you, society would crumble! thorpedo! THORPEDO! without you, we would never have the chance to watch someone swim for a minute! have millions of dollars! fuck helping the needy! put your face everywhere! would you like a child? here, you can have mine!'

so, like i said, it's a hate thing.

imagine then, my joy, when ian thorpe was disqualified from racing in the 400m race in the olympics. imagine the smile that lit me up like xmas when people bitched and moaned and said it wasn't fair. imagine the dark little chuckle i gave when they showed images of thorpe upset. oh, sure, he'll still compete in every other race he's in, but still, the joy was there.

it's the joy that matters.

Comments

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joey_j0jo
Mar. 30th, 2004 04:22 am (UTC)
interesting. i hate him too. And the million dollars thing? that pisses me off. The tv show was shit, i watched one episode. (yes i am truly ashamed of myself) Why was he disqualified? hell was that even on the news? cause i didn't hear it.
benpeek
Mar. 30th, 2004 04:29 am (UTC)
well, actually, i was just feeling a funny hate thing. but hate him i do. anyhow, yes, he was disqualified--was all over the news. he false started on a trial race. of course, he qualified for other things, so we're still going to have to hear the whole thorpedo business.

maybe someone will stab him repeatedly.
ceret
Mar. 30th, 2004 05:11 am (UTC)
I agree that being famous for swimming really fast is a bizarre thing. Especially when, say, being famous for making amazing breakthroughs in medical science very rarely happen. But it can get worse. I have three words for you: The Hilton Sisters.

Shudder.
benpeek
Mar. 30th, 2004 05:34 am (UTC)
yes, i do have to agree with you there. being famous for simply being wealthy and going to parties and spending your time looking pretty is worse.
obsidian
Mar. 30th, 2004 01:58 pm (UTC)
Shifting frames
I find it interesting when a person expresses strong feelings about something I have no sense of. No sense at all. I mean, I left Australia before Thorpe hit the water in public. I remember talking to my mother on the phone around the time of the last olympics and her telling me there was this swimmer with really huge feet. I still have that first impression of him - a skinny guy with feet like a frog. I imagined him in a world populated by little asian acrobats, long fingered jugglers and sun-dark turks with double jointed jaws.

I guess that's why I don't begrudge him anything. He's just a freak. I only get pissed off when I see someone overcompensated for something I could do. For doing a mediocre job.

Perhaps my ire would be roused if I was there. I mean, I haven't seen the middle-class hero side of it. Goats are herd animals after all. If Thorpe has got your goat, mine or other goats are sure to follow. Perhaps when someone finds out he murdered his twin in the womb / is polyamorous / eats endagered animals or uses chinese medicine.

You know, if it comforts you, something heinous is sure to emerge from the glow.
benpeek
Mar. 30th, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
Re: Shifting frames
well, i like expressing my hate. public hate like this is a fun kind of thing. it doesn't rest on actually knowing the person.

plus, it's a nice way to procrastinate from doing actual work. so that's good. i will take comfort in the future badness though.

and hi, *waves* nice to meet you.
(Anonymous)
Sep. 9th, 2004 10:20 am (UTC)
Sheesh!
Man, you are a bitter person!
benpeek
Sep. 9th, 2004 10:33 pm (UTC)
Re: Sheesh!
what are you, retarded?

(it's a funny, not very serious thing.)
isilwen
Sep. 11th, 2004 03:29 pm (UTC)
totally random comment from a random visitor
Did you know this entry comes up first when one googles "ian thorpe nc-17"? It's a wonder there aren't more anonymous comments to this ;)
benpeek
Sep. 11th, 2004 08:28 pm (UTC)
Re: totally random comment from a random visitor
that's just cool.

i was wondering where the anonymous comment came from, really.

of course, googling ian thorpe nc-17 is a pretty odd request, i would think. what were you searching for, i wonder ;P
isilwen
Sep. 12th, 2004 04:03 am (UTC)
Re: totally random comment from a random visitor
Keep on wondering. I'm not answering this. ;P

As for the question where the anonymous comment came from... I can see why people who really really like Ian Thorpe could be a bit upset. *lol*

btw, there's my default icon. Don't rip my head off, please. I just think he looks good, I'm that simple. ;)
benpeek
Sep. 12th, 2004 05:04 am (UTC)
Re: totally random comment from a random visitor
people who really like people they've never met but who are only a public image ought to learn to take things a little less seriously, i think.

and i don't rip the heads of polite and nice people. it's a thing i got ;)
(Anonymous)
Nov. 6th, 2004 04:26 am (UTC)
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE
I HATE IAN THORPE

it's a hate thing
(Anonymous)
Feb. 1st, 2005 02:22 am (UTC)
I agree
You Sir, are an absolute champion. Everything you wrote here was as if i wrote it myself. I despise Ian Thorpe and it is my wish that he will one day die from drowning. It would be irony at its spectacular best!
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