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The Past | The Previous

Scientists are blaming nature for the deaths of hundreds of mutton-birds washed up on beaches from Bondi to Cronulla. It could almost be the storyline for a modern-day Australian remake of the Alfred Hitchcock classic The Birds: hundreds of hungry seagulls soaring above the streets of Sydney, looking for humans from whom they can protest against.

The cries of pain echoed from Palm Beach to Cronulla as one of the scourges of Sydney's summers invaded the city's coast in force over the weekend. A youth suffered spinal injuries and broke both ankles when he fell 10m from a cliff top in Sydney's south yesterday morning, and the sand at Bondi beach was barely visible by midday yesterday as around 40,000 people crammed onto the famous strip, herded by these scourges.

Warnings have been issued to visitors and Sydneysiders to avoid the Harbour and most ocean beaches because of this contamination.

The warning was finally given after a young boy suffered serious injuries after falling down a cliff, the second in a day. The seven-year-old was playing near the edge of the cliff at Boorima Place, South Cronulla, about 4.15pm when he slipped and fell, attacked by these scourges. Police are still searching for two Dutch tourists who are believed to have been washed off rocks at a southern Sydney beach yesterday after being driven to the line in a flock of angry birds. Two fisherman at Cronulla witnessed it.

Police last night used batons on the scourge in an attempt to drive them back, with frustrated locals joining the fight. A number of youths and one police officer were hurt in the fight outside the North Cronulla club at 11pm. "The altercations were vigorous," said one.

In response, a $280,000 boat was destroyed, and guests at a wedding reception were evacuated during a blaze that spread through the Sydney marina.

Scientist say that reason for the deaths that began the attack is the Cronulla sewage plant.

Rather than address the issue, the State Government has organised a day of games, where local residents will be urged to fight back. Officials expected tens of thousands of people to participate, revelling in the Games fever that will no doubt envelope the city. It is shaping up to be a wonderful day of community spirit and friendship, with music and food available with weapons, and both tourists and locals are encouraged to join and drive off the scourge.

We look forward to see you there.

with the exception of a couple of joining sentences, and the last line, all of this is drawn from local newspapers, the sentences slapped together by yours truly. it was a little bit of fun, really.